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OI2D TREASBRER, 



A THREE-ACT DRAMA, 



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BY 






H. M. MCNUTT 



Copyrighted 1893 By H. M. McNutt 




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-^OLD TREASURER 



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A, 



THREE=ACT DRAiMA^ 



BY 



H. M. McK^itt, 




PUBLISHED BY 

Bess<eriier priptii;!? 9 pobIi$l?ir/§ vofrpapy, 

Bessemer, Ala. 
1B03. « 



DRAMATIS PERSONi^ 



X-K/JV 



riiilip Breeii 

Eev. Oalviii I]r( ckway.. . , 
Br. Matthew Ziiiimermau 

Cnpt. Alex kelson 

Steplieii Yenable ... .. .. 

Tandy Trij) 

Uncle Eeuben 

Mr. Buck .... , 

Capt. Cole 

Ned Boyer , 

Jack Goozle 

First Gambler 

Second Gambler 

Third Gambler 

Martha Delraar 

Aunt Martha Hollo way. . 

Rachel Buck ., 

Glenn McNair 

Mary Gary . . . , .» 



7663^ 



THE OLD- TREASURER 



ACT 1st. 

Scene — A Southern City on the Coast Buck^s It in. The 
Office. A'n. old. fashioned high desk on L. window on 
L. ivith curtahi.-^. Stairway on JR. Large door at 
back cent^-r leading out on long porch. Long table at 
Center of stage. Rachel Buck seated at desk on high 
stool writing. 

Rachel. {Tearing up jxfper.) Psiiaw! I've a good 
notion not to write to liini at all. No^y wliat imp of 
tlie old scratcli made liim say so much abont liis 
''Pretty Cousin Donuief And I whs so iiappy, too. 
O, My ! but he is so sweet. (Kissing everything in sight.) 
^'Cousin Donnie!" (Slamnvng evt^ry thing.) *'And with 
eves like those of a young fawn." Dear me! how po- 
etic he was! "Young fawn" — dog's foot! As pretty 
as those of a young puppy ! I won't stand it ! I won't ! 
I will show him how to talk about his pretty cousin's 
eyes. I don't believe she's got any eyes. I wish she 
was a pui)py, I'd drown her mighty quick. I'll show 
him what I can do. ( Writes furiously.) ''Mr. Withers: 
I see you have given your heart to another. Please 
consider yourself released from our engagement. 

Respectfully, 

Eachel Buck." 



4 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Xow, where are my envelopes ! They are all gone. 
Well, here's a business envelope and this is business. 
'^If not delivered in ten days return to Buck's Inn.'^ 
{She se^ds it hut fails to ar/drts.'< if.) Now it will get to 
Trenton almost as soon as he will. 
{E:tr Uncle Eeuben wifh a load of hndUng nmod in 

his arms which he fhroirs info hnx by firfpl'^f.e on L. 
Ah! Uncle Eeuben, you are just in time. Here's a 
letter I want you to mall for me. And don't let any 
one see it. Hear! 

U'deE. Gway fum heah, chile, whut you talkin' 
about? Aint I done fotch your letters to dat white 
yankee eber week sence last Christmas ? (Pota leffer 

,71 h'S hof.) 

R^cii. By tlie way. Uncle Reuben, here's a letter 
for you. 

Uncle li. Is day"! De lawsy me! Miss Rachel, 
honey, — read it fo' ine. 

Rach. Yes, and it's from Sliubuta. 

R'-vheri. De lawsy me ! Dat makes me hongry ebcr 
time I hears dat word. 0})en it, iioney, open it. 

Ech'l She answers promptly. It was only hist 
Sunday that you wrote to her accusing her of forsak- 
ing you. (Aside.) — Evidently written by some white 
])erson. 

••Dear Mr. Watson: {Re grins.) 

I must confess that 1 was very much sur- 
prised by the tenor of your letter — " 

UncJe R. De which % 

Each I. That means at the way in which you wrote. 
^'You accuse me of being for^e^fui and untrue to you, 
aiik you say that I have forsaken you. It is so far 
from the truth that it requires only a few words to 
controvert it entirely." Why, Uncle Reuben! {Be 
lai/.ojis and chuckles, striking his knee with his hmid.) ""Yi^u 
left here last New Year's Eve, promising to write to 
me and you didn't keep your promise. 1 waiteti and 
waited and tiien wrote to you. But you didn't an- 
swer. I waited and watched for your answer until I 
was almost sick, but no letter came. Now, ten 
months after, you write that I have forsaken you. No, 
Mr. Watson, you are like all the men on earth, charm- 
ing — " Uncle Reuben, are you charming? 



THE OLD TREASURER. 5 

Unde E. Deed I is, honey ! Deed I is ! Aiut I 
been married six times ? 

Rachel Well, Uncle Reuben. You didn't tell me 
the trutli about this case bet\Yeen you and ^^Miss" 
Angeline Oakley. 

UncJe R. I knows I diden, honey, but whut diffims 
does dat make wid Angeline way up at Siiubootay 
and me way down here ? 

Rachel. Now this alters the case entirely. Your 
Queen is still true to you and you just sit right down 
and write to her that you are standing here at your 
cabin thieshold with your arms outstretched ready to 
receive her. 

Uncle R. Oil, no. Honey, dat wont do, dat wont do. 

Rachel. Why ? 

(Mcle R. Caze she mought come shb' iiuff. 

Rachel Ha! Ha! Ha! You old Antediluvian co- 
quet ! You ought to be ashamed. 

Refihen. {Much hurt.) 1^0 w, Miss Eachel. You 
calls me sich a word as dat. Me, old Reuben, what 
y ouster tote your Muw in my arDis when she was a 
leetle baby ? And look at dat, chile. Look at dat 
bunt place dar on my arm and on my nake. You 
knows what made it. 

Rach4. Yes, Yes, Uncle — 

Reuhen. You knows. You done heard it before. 

RacheL [Aside.) Forty times, at least, 

TJ.fcle R. Your Maw was runnin' roun whjir we was 
skallin' hogs and laughin' so piiddy aad lookin* so 
sweet. She was de puddiest chile. She was de pud- 
diest chile, fer a ivhite chile, dat eber 1 did seej and 
fust ting I knowd she was slipnin' rite into de troff of 
hot biiin' water. En I seed her just in time to jump 
and pull her away from de ve • age of de water, en den 
I fell en mer set I didn't stay dar long (bmgh, No 
sirree. If eber a nigger did move, I was dat nigger. 
I jist tought my whole comi^lexion was done gone. 
And 1 diden know nuijin atter dat, till bymeby I wuk 
up and I tought your Maw be bunt to death, and I 
jist cried and cried and cried : and when dey told me 
she wurn't hurt a bit, I say, says I, ''Bless de Lam!" 
En, Honey, I aint felt so happy fum dat day to dis. 
En now Miss Sarah's baby is done riz up and call me 
sich a word as dat. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 



Unele R. You knows what word well erniiijt'. 

RncheL When ? 

Uneh B. You knows when well nufi*, too. 

Rachel. Where ? 

Uncle R. Wliar ? Whut^s de matter wid you, white 
chile ? Whar ? Wy, right heah. Wliar else is I ben '? 

Rachel. Why, Uncle Eeuben, what's the luattei* 
with you? You must have been conjured. I have 
just come in the office. 

Uncle R. But can't you onderstan notliin'? Whar's 
your gumtion gone to anyways ? Arter you done red 
this letter to me — 

Ro.chel. What letter? 

Unele Reubfv. Wy, dis letter right here. Can't you 
see it in my han'? 

Rachel. Why, Uncle Eeuben, have you received a, 
letter ? Let me see it. • 

Uncle R. Look heah, white chile, Look heah. Tell 
me dis. (She looks at him with eyes stretching wider a»d 
wider feigning insanity.) Wusn't you at dat desk writ- 
in' when I come in wid de wood and diden yod say 
dar w^us a letter fer me and diden — Whut makes 
you look at me dat way fur? 

Rachel. [In hoarse whisper) I'm in a trance. I can 
see clear through your heart. I know what you've 
been doing. 

Uncle R. Lord, Honey, please don't hyst your eyes 
day. way. I haint done nuffin to nobody. 

Rachel. Didn't pou see me last Sunday night in the 
shape of a big blnck sow with one ear— 

Uncle R. Ugh ! 

Rachel. Cut ofl", just a runnin' up and down the 
side of your cabin without makin' any noise ? 

Unele R Lawsy me! Honey, How did vou know' 
da^^? 

Rachel. I tell you I can see clean through you. I 
know everything you ever did. Hold still. There ! 
There sits Kalline in your heart. 

Uncle R. But, Honey — 

Rachel, What's that? Skeletons of chickens, roost- 
ers, hens and pullets 

Uncle R. (On his knees) Please, Honey, x^lease dou't 
do dat. Please come to your sef, and let your eyes 



THE OLD TREASURER. 7 

do mi and Fll do aiiytliingfer yer — auytliiug in Gaw- 
dlemiglity's world. 

Rachel. Go, mail my letter. 

Uncle R. Yes'm. (Exit Ims-ily,) 

Rachel. Ha! Ha! Ha! [fjnuyhhig immodrmie^y a» 

Martha enters.) 

Martha. Ha! Ha! Why, Eacliel, what on earth 
iiave you done to Uncle Keuben ? He passed me as 
I was coming up out of the tiower pit, gave a little 
whoop and away he went. Is he crazy ? 

Rachel Why, Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! I told him— Ha ! 
Ha! Ha! 

Mtirthd. You've been imposing on his ignorance 
again, I warrant. And I have been watching a snake 
eating a mocking bird. 

Rachel. A wlnit ? 

Martha. A snake. 

RicheL What mocking bird ? 

Martha. What mocking bird ! Do you suppose I 
know them all by name ? 

Rachel. It can't be mine, surely. {Exit ou porch 

hai<t>ly.) 

Martha. Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh, it was beautilui! 
Now, she'll cry. By the way, I wonder if the mail 
has come. Why, yes. Here's a letter from Nell 
Hodge. I don't care anything for that. I don't like 
women anyway. She proinised to send me a paper 
with description of our commencement exercises. 
Pshaw ! Woiuler why nhc: — Here it is ! Here it is ! 
"Thirty-Second Congress" ''Four hundred mules for 
sale." ''Horrible Holocaust in Madrid." "liun away 
witli his own wite." What a fool! "Lnrrv's Livei' 
Pills." '-The Beautifal Greek." 'Scratched 11) Years.'^ 
"Anicrican Atheneum"— Oh ! that's it! "Last night 
the spacious halls of the American Athenenm for 
voung ladies — " Let's see. Let's see. Ah! Miss 
Martha Siddins Delmar— Siddins ! S-1-D-D-I-N-S ! 
The calf. Just like an idiotic reporter. "Was radi- 
ant with pearls, diamonds and old lace." Of course 
she was. So was Isoah's Avife at her commencement. 
And the news])aper reporter said jnst the same thing 
of her. "Shining like a new-made planet stood fdrth 
the fine dramatic work of Miss Martha Delmar in her 
recitation. She stood and moved with all the beat- 



8 THE OLD TREASURER. 

ing and dignity ot* a Queen, and the words iea])ed 
forth from her throat upon a voice at once strong, nni- 
sical, clear and, at times, strangvly pathetic. Tlien 
again it was overwhelming While it can be trnth- 
fiilly said that all the ladies evinced marked talent 
and thorongli training, the work of Miss Delmar was 
nothing less than genius ! Genius of the rarest type !" 
And with an exclamation point, too. These are good 
critics, these lepoi ters. Ah ! Kerens my name again. 
"During the recitation of Miss Delmar, there was a 
slight disturbance in the audience owing to the sick- 
ness of a lady wlio had fainted." Fainted? Ah! 
that's po'wer ! That's power ! And tell me 1 am not 
animated by the lineal blood of the great actress ? 
Pshaw ! 1 know it ! I feel it ! I cannot be separated 
from it! It possesses my whole life! Every tiring 
else and all things earthly are mere pigmies that 
crawl and grovel at the base. And shall I spend my 
life in this humdrum })lace? Among ignorance, su- 
perstition, sim])licity, soft hearts and empty heads ? 
Bah! [Striding trar/lcdliy.) {('<qjt. Nelson is singmg 
withovt.) Ah ! here comes the first barrier in ray way 
— -the old treasurer" — so-called. Singing his old 
song, his only song, the full extent of his musical ca- 
pacity. "The har]) that once through Tara's halls, 
its soul of music shed, now hangs as mute on Tara's 
walls as if that soul were dead." He's in a good hu- 
mor then. If anything goes wrong at the Treasury 
he does'nt sin;:, but just walks, walks, walks, on his 
stick and lame leg — 

Capi. N. ( With'^ut) Glenn ! Glenn ! You rascal, 
where are yon ? [As he enters, Martha, who has hid be- 
hud door, slipa behind him and places her hands over his 
eyes.) 

ropf. ]\\ Ah ! y(m little rogue ! Glenn! l^o? It 
isn't Eachel. Her hands are not so soft, ^or Ste- 
phen. His are not so small. 

Martha. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! I fooled the old wizard for 
once anyway. 

0"pt. N. 'Martha ! Well. well. The stately, dig- 
nified Martha! {Aside) — What does she mean? I 
have never known her to play with me since she was 
a little child. (Sits and opens hix mail.) 

Martha. How are you, Uncle ? 



THE OLD TREASURER. ^) 

dipt. N, I am well, tliaiik you. And how are you, 
Martha ? 

Martha. Oil, Tin just as well as I can be. And, 
look. Uncle, what the paper says about me. 

Cap-. J\^. [Reading it hiirriilij) Yes, Yes, that's nice. 
Tliat's very neat indeed. Why, I am proud of you, 
<;liild. I am, indeed. {Ajfect.ing mcVfference.) But 
wiiere's Glenn ? 

Marcha. 8he went ridin<i- with Philip. 

(Japt. N. Riding? Did sbe ride "Lochiuvar?" 

Martha. No, air. She rod<^ ^'Pluck.'' 

Cap . N. Tut, Tut Tut. She will persist in riding- 
that horse. He is very treacherous. 

Martha^ I begged her not to take him, for he looks 
«o vicious; but she wonld do it. If she is hurt, it will 
be no fault of mine. {As>de) — If she is killed, the old 
treasurer will die too :iinl the whole estate be mine! 
Then run, Pluck, run over ditches, fences, walls, trees, 
and houses ! 

Capf. N. What is it you are saying, Martha? 

Martha. I was hoping that she might not be killed. 

Capt. N. {More nervous.) Killed? I feel quite 
«ure of that, and yet it is dangerous, I must admit. 

Martha. Why, shn is jjcrfectly safe. Uncle. She 
holds a reign as hrnily as a ranger. 

Capjf. N. True. She does, she does. 

Martha. And then the horse knows its Glenn, and 
he won't hurt her ! 

Capf. N. Ah! Bless her! Everything loves her ! 

Manha. But tell me, Uncle; wiiat do you think of 
my genius ? 

Cajyt. N. Your genius? who is he? 

Manha. He? My genius, my dramatic genius. 
Don't you see this ? 

Capt. K. Yes, Yes. I forgot. 

Martha. Is it not something to make a woman 
faint ? 

Capf. 1^. What woman? 

Martha. W^hy, any woman, Uncle ? 

Capt. N. Well, that depends. If she's very ner- 
vous from indigestion or biliousness or tight-lacing, or 
small shoes — 



1% THE OLD TREASURER, 

Manila. Oh, Uncle, wliy don't yoii love me? (4/- 

feciing Uars.) 

Capf. N. I do love yoii, Martha. What do you 
mean by such fstraii<ie excitenieut ? 

Martha. Yon take no interest in my Greatest 
Jichievmeuts, while you a]>|)laud the sliohtest thing 
that Glenn does and it makes you ha[)py for a week. 

Capt. iV\ Oh, come, come. Sit down by my knee. 
Kow tell me everything you wish to say. I will listen 
to you and s^'nq^athize with you, too. 

Martha. Oh Uncle, do you promise that ? 
Capt.m Yes. 

Martha. Well, dear Uncle, if I tell you what I want 
to do you must not tell. 

Capt. N. Why, Martha, Martha, are you in love.? 

Martha. Love! Dog's foot! 1 mean — Ha! Ha! 
Ha! iN^'ot yet, Uncle. But I'll tell you 1 have deter- 
mined to adopt the stage. 

Capt. K VVhat stage? 

Martha. Why, I mean to be an actress. 

Cap'. ]f. Ac — What ! An actress ? A play ac- 
tress ? 

Martha. Yes, sir. Why not? 

CapXu N. Why not ? Have you lost all pride and 
reason? An actress? And wonld yon be content 
with some little role in the first act in which yon dust 
oft the furniture and announce the arrival of some 
painted Duchess or i)rancing fop of a Marquis? No, 
No, Martha, don't think of it, don't think of it. 

Martha. But what nse can I make of my talent 
here ? 

Capt A. Make all those happy n round yon. Very 
few can do more. 
^Martha. Pshaw! And keep myself miserable ? 

Capf. N. Martha, you know I am very old. I can- 
not reasonably expect many more ;\ears of life on 
earth. At my death, your property and Glenn's will 
be held in trust by Stei)hen Venable who will be my 
successor — 

Martha. {AndCy) Stephen ! 

Capt. N. And if you do not wish \o squander it, 
let it remain where it is. It is not very much, but it 



THE OLD TREASURER. :i 

is sufficient to support you comfortably as loug as you 
live. Will you not promise me, Martha ? 

3farflia. {Affecting tears.) It-seems- very cruel, Un- 
cle, l)ut I'll try. (Aside) — In Stephen's hands f And 
Stephen is in my hands. I want nothing better. At 
his death, too. 

Glenn. (Without.) Uncle Eeuben, has Uncle Alex 
<!ome yet ? 

Capf. N. That's Glenn ! That's Glenn ! Ha ! Ha ! 
Ha! {Enter at door, B, C. Glenn and Philip.) 

Capt. N. Come here, you little rascal. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 
Glenn. In one moment. Uncle. 

Uachal. Why Glenn, where did you — 

Glenn, {Stopping her moufh.) Hush! 

Fhil. ^^ out he see your torn dress "l 

Glenn. Don't you know a man better than that ? 
Ha! Ha! 

Capi. IS'. {Impatientlij) Why does she hesitate .? 
GleiiJi ! 

Glenn. Yes, Unc]<'. {She comes and kneels doicn by 

him.) 

Gapt. N.. Didn't 1 tell you not to ride that horse 
until Sam Cohurn conld ])reak him f 

Glenn. Now, Xow. Xow. Pluck is perfectly safe. 
Uncle. {Aude)—h-i the stable. {Alond.) Oh, he is 
d ro-htfnl ! 

G((pf. K. Look at mo Glenn. Not that w^iy. Close. 
{She nifschevously 'places Jier nose against his.) Did 
tiiat h« rse iry to throw you } 

Glenn. Not another word shall you s])eak. {Kiss- 
ing him.) Yon alarm yourself unnecessarily. {Kis.s) 
Yon see if {Ki.ss) I can't stop your {Kiss) dear old 
montli — 

Phil. {Kiss .'^ig him.) lean! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Cap'.N, Go away, you rascal. Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Phil Come n.ow, Uncle. I'll have Stephen's job 
to-night. I'll carry you up to your room, so you may 
prepare for supper. {Lifiing h m.) Stei)hen is busy 
among his friends, no doubt. Come, Anchises, I'll be 
your Aeneas to-night. {Carrying him ont in his arms.) 

Capt. N. Ah, you're a mej]\' boy, Philip, you're a 
merry boy. Oh, Glenn, you will find a letter there on 



12 THE OLD TREASURER. 

tlie table conooniing our new minister which you may 
rpad. ^Exeunt Fldl. and Cap.N.) 

Rachel . Tell me, Glenn, whore on earth did you 
tear j^our dress so ? 

(Mar til a. is seated near window hehnd curtains.) 

Glenn. Oh, but yoii'l] tell ? 

Rachel. What do you take me for? 
[Ee-ent^r Philip.) 

Phil. By j^rabs, but tliat was a elose shave. 

Glenn. Yes, and it's the second close shave Tve had 
to day. For a, woman without much beard I think 
that's doin<j: ]>retty well. Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Rachel. (Almost crying ) Well, what is it ? What 
is it? Do yon want me to spontaneously combust 
with curiosity ? 

Phil. Oh, liachel, we have had such a time of it! 

Rachel How? 

Glenn. But you won't tell? (Martha is hsiening.) 

Rachel (Offended.) Well, it you think I hav'nt 
sense enough to hold my tongue, you needn't. CWallc- 
ing away.) 

Glenn. Oh, if you are angry with me, I think we'd 
better not tell you. 

Rachel. (Returning quickly.) I'm not angry with 
you, Glenn; indeed I'm not. I just love you, Glenn. 
Who said I was angry? ]^ow, please tell me, Glenn. 

Glenn. ( Whispering.) Pluck ran away with me — 

Rachel. Oh! 

Glenn. •Threw me off — 

Raehel. Gracious! 

Qlenn. Dragged me along the road — 

Rachel. Oh, my! 

Glenn. Tearing my dress half off and leaving my 
arms and shoulders bare— just look at me! — and Phil- 
ip g-ot down and came to me as pale as a ghost and 
lool^ed into my face and I just broke out laughing — 
he looked so funny — Ha! Ha! and then he lifted me 
up and took off his coat and put it on me — Ha ! Hv^ ! 
The quf^stion then was, what was Philip to do with 
out a coat. If Uncle knew I had su<-h a narrow es- 
cape, it would almost kill him. So Philip was 
afraid to come home without his coat for fear 
Uncle, in some way would discover it; so he went 
through the old alley back of the jail to the treasurer's 



THE OLD TREASURER. 13 

office, raised a window, got out tbis old coat of Ste- 
phen's, pat it ou and came away. 

Rachel. Ob, Glenn, wbat do you tbink? Martha 
wants to go on the stage. 

Olenn. The stage! Ha! The stage! '^Half past 
nine and Mr. Charles has not yet arrived," or '^Give 
me back me poverty and me honor." ( WalHng ruman- 
eiquely and describing a larf/e semicircle.) You know it 
means nothing unless you sweei) the Aviiole stage, 
Each el. 

Racliel. Ladies and gentlemen, I am requested to 
announce that to-morrow niglit we will present 
Shakespeare's sublime tragedy called "Hamlet,'? or 
I am thy Father^s Ghost !" 

Glenn. Dots't say "thy father." Say "the father." 

Rachel. That ain't the way they do it on the stage. 

/jlenn. I know. But they'll come to it. They say 
me father now, you know. 

Martha. {Aside.) Ah, but, my merry girls, I will 
see acting as it is in real life, not on the stage. And 
you are the subjects Pil use in my study as a scien- 
tist would experiment with a rat or a dog. 

Glenn. By the way, Philip, you'd better go and 
find Stephen now. 

Fhil That's true, I forgot. {E.nt.) 

Rachel. What for? 

Glenn. We found the vault doors open. 

( Martha, slips out slowly from curtains and goes out 
unobserved .) 

Glenn. I'll go up now and change my dress. {In- 
cidentally running her hands in fhe pockets of the coat.) 
Hello, what a pile of old letters. Some of my own, 
too. Ha! Ha! But the new minister, Rachel, lets 
read it. {Holding the letfer in her hand.) 

Rachel All right. {They go io the light back of the 
desk and. read the letter.) 

Glean. What's his name, I wonder. {Enter at fhe 
door Dr. Zimmerman and Rev, Calvin Samuel Broch- 
way.) What's that.? Rev. C. S. Brockway. 

Calvin. {To Dr.) Hello, my luune, the first thing. 

Doctor, Hush ! 

Glenn, I wonder what 0. S. stands for? 

Rachel. Don't knoAv. King Solomon, I reckon. 



ri THE OLD TREASURER. 

Glenn. I suppose so. Hello, Sol.; llO^Y are your 
wives? 

Doctor. {To Calvin.) Hiisb ! 

Glenn. Why, this is not a letter of recommenda- 
tion. Look here. '-He engenders so-called progres- 
sive ideas which are very pernicious in their effect 
npon young minds ^^nd are really dansj'^.rous to any 
religious communi-ty.'^ Pshaw ! I venture to say he 
is a good man. 

Calvin. [To Doctor.) Just as I expected. 

Doctor. The old vampire ! I don^t believe that 
nitric acid would have any effect on him. He is rank 
poison himself. 

Glenn. Well, coim» on, King Solomon, 111 be glad 
to see you. 

Calvin. T believe vou Avill. 

Glenn. Oh! Ha! 'Hal Ha! {She mid Rachel hide 
iheir faces behind the open letter.) 

Bachel. Do you wish to register, gentlemen? 

Doctor, If you please. Miss Eachel. 

B.achel Miss Kachel. 

Enter Mr. Buck. 

Bucli. {To Doctor) Why, brother, howdy do? 
Howdy ! Howdy ! I declare you are looking ijower- 
ful well. Yon don'f appear to know me. 

Doctor. IS"o, sir. L do not. {Calvin and Doctor 
rcf/ister their names.) 

Buck. Why dont you remember the meeting three 
years ago down at Hollvw^ood church? My sou Bol) 
profpssed religion under you. 

Doc'or. The devil he did ! (Uacheland, Glenn laugh.) 

Unci'. Sir? Well — no. I believe Pm mistaken. 
But you do !ook powerful like him. {Exit.) 

Doctor. Your ]> irdon, ladies. The gentleman took 
jue by surprise and my tongue acted independently 

Hachel. {Reading names on register.) Why. Glenn, 
this is the new preacher. 

Glenn. What? Which one? 

Calvin. Ecce homo . King Solomon, as you call 
l)im, though the ohl folks at home call me "Calvin," 
and this is my guardian and godfather, Dr. Zimmer- 
man. 

Glenn. Your Godfather ! 

Doctor. Yes. His partner in everything except 



THE OLD TREASURER. 15 

liisfaitli. I am liis doctor, his seamstress, liis porter, 
iiis washwoman, his ])rotector, .his aid-tie-camp, his 
general and liis corporal. 

Glenn. He looks sufficieutlv able to protect hiiti 
self 

Doctor. Oh, bat he is not, I assure you, and, in 
doing so — 

Glenn. At any rate, I will assist you to i^rotect 
him myself. 

Boeior. You? ]S^o, uo, no ! You are the enemy. 

Glenn. I am sure I do not feel so. 

Doctor. Then ^ must 8wear yon both. 

Glenn. Swear us ? 

Doctor. Y"es. 

Glenn. To what ? 
, Doctor. You are not desperately anxious to marry, 
are you? 

Glenn. To marry ? Ha] Ha! Ha! Well, the prop- 
osition coming from a stranger is unusually sudden, 
but— 

Calvin. Oh, No ! Ko ! No ! You don't understand. 

Doctor. You see, we came from an old town where 
there are nothing but old men and females of all ages. 
AVe spent the summer at Glade Suli>hur Springs and 
we were the only eligible men there. Npw, jdease, 
please spare us ! {O71 their knees.) 

Calvin. In mercy spare us ! 

Glenn. Oh, we can't think of it, can we Kachel? 

Bachel. r>j no means. (Gentlemen, we love you 
and will make you our husbands, by our halidom. 
Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Glenn. King Solomon, I will protect you, I will be 
your botly. guard. Our much beloved pastor, I ex- 
tend to you the heartiest welcome a Southern heart 
can give. May yon be the light of every fireside, a 
sunbeam on every desolate hearthstone, a comfort to 
everj^ heart, a father to every honieless ragamuiiii., 
a^nd'a brother to all mankind. 

Calvin. My doctdne exactly. Miss McNair, your 
words have been a warm and blessed unction to my 
heart. I thank you, I thank you. {Warmly laUng her 
hand.) 

Glenn. Dr. Zimmerman, you are welcome to our 



i6 THE ODD TREASURER. 

beloved country, and to this blessed old inn, wliere 
notliing bnt good cheer ever rei«ined. 

Doc'or [To Calvin.) I swear old man. she's bet- 
ter than the best old r\e I ever drank. By the way, 
Miss MclSTair, I see you have torn yonr dress. If you 
will just pernli^ me, I will mend it for you. (Openinf/ 
his valise for needle and thread.) 

Glenn. You uk^kI my dress ? 

Calviji. Ha! Ha! Ha! Don't be offended, I pray 
you. My fri<M)d is an altruist run mad. It's mere 
force of habit I assure you. Why he nursed every 
bal)y on the boat, comiujO' down the river and came 
very near havin^i>- one h^ft on his hands, too. Sew? 
Well, you should see him in his room, seated on his 
table, smokino' his jnpe and sewing on dresses and 
little breeches. 

Glenn. Dresses ? Is he married ? 

Doctor. Xo, No ! But you see, w^e always look up 
those little cha])s that have no mother at home. Cal- 
vin makes their liearts happy, while I look after their 
stomachs and bodies. I can patch a pair of pants 
and cure a stone bruise. I can sew on buttons with 
one hand and ])ull a tooth with the other. 

Calvin. And he can no more resist the impulse to 
help anyone in any undertaking: than he can fly. 
Some very sweet pickles, he gets himself into by it, 
too. 

Glenn. A most beautiful fault, nevertheless. 

Calvin. Why, if he stood and watched a burglar 
trying to open Ids own safe, and making a desperate 
effort at it, he would say very politely, "I beg your 
pardon, but I think I can help yon." 

Glenn. Why, that is splendid. 

Calvin. Then you must enjoy such work yourself? 

Glenn. I do, more than anything else. 

Calvin. Do you know many of the poor people 
here? 

Rachel. Many! Yes, nianier. Ask her whose 
baby is teething and what's good for it, how much 
wood old Mrs. Biggies has laid in for the winter, 
when little Tim Dreck will be able to sell "sassafrac" 
again, how much the old basket maker earns, how^ 
many children are fed by the parish. Everything 
that's nobody's business is Glenn McKair's business. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 17 

Stephen. (At the door spealdng to Philip.) Ha! 
Hrt ! Ha ! Bat you don't' believe such things,- do you 
Philip? [Tossing up a coin and catching it.) 

Fhil. AVell, yes. I do. 

Stephen. Pshaw! Ha! Ha! Ha! 

Olenn. Hurrah for the next mayor of the city. 
Hurrah ! 

Calvin. Hurrah ! 

Glenn. Louder ! 

Calvin. Hurrah ! I 

Glenn. That's somethin^f like it. {Enter Aunt 
Martha and Capt. Alex.) ^STow the Mayor doesn't 
know but that you are a liuin:iubeingand not a sanc- 
timonious poor creature that is afraid he will iufect 
his lunos with the atmos])here of this Aile earth. Ste- 
phen, what is this ? ^Pointing to Calvin.) 

Stephen. Well, at tbis distance he has all the ap- 
pearance of the genus homo. 

Glenn. Is he a lawyer, or a doctor, or a merchant, 
or a horse racer, or a gambler, or* a circus agent > 

Stephen. He might possibly be a combination, but 
1 don't believe it. 

Glenn. Mr. Yenable, the Eev. Calvin Brockway. 

Stephen. What? 

{Enter Martha Siddons.) 

Glenn. And his friend, Dr Zimmerman. 

Stephen. Gentlemen, you are right welcome to our 
home. Gentlemen, allow me to acquaint you with 
Capt. N^elson, Mrs. Hollo way. Miss Delmar, and Mr. 
Breen. 

Doctor, {To Capt.) Don't rise, sir, don't rise. We'll 
come to you. 

Capt. N. Thank you, sir. Your hands, gentlemen. 
You are welcome to the Inn. {Enter Mary Gary carry- 
iyig lamps.) Ah, Mary, good evening. 

Mary. Good avening to ye, Capthain, I hope ye 
air well, Capthain ? 

Capt. N. Quite well, thank you, Mary. Gentle- 
men, I have the honor of introducing to you Miss 
Mary Gary. 

Doctor. {Aside.) What! The chambermaid? 
(Boioing.) 

Mary. Good avening, gentleman. I be glad to 
mate you. 



i8 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Doctor. (Aside ) lutroduco us to sucli cattle as 
that? 

Calvin. {Lauf/hhtg in his sleeve at Doctor\H surprise.) 
It's all right. You are in America, now, my boy. 

(Exit Alary.) 

Capt. N. Gentlemen, 1 see you do not understand. 

Doctor. I beg" your pardon Captain, but have you 
in the South no regard for class distinction ? Do you 
always show such deference to serving people? 

Gapt. N. Xo, not always. But this woman is 
worthy of the lowest bow of the Czar of Kussia. 

Doctor. Indetd? How? Is she a duchess or 
Princess in disguivse ? 

Capt. N. Better still. She is a woman, gentlemen, 
that sat in a chair for three weeks holding in her arms 
her little namesake niece' whose lips the surgeon had 
sewed for hair lip. The little child must be watched 
to prevent her tearing the threads asunder, and there 
Mary sat and watched her charge for three weeks. 
Then leaving her one day in other hands for a short 
time, she became fretful and with her restless fingers 
tore loose the threads. Tbe operation was again per- 
formed, and there s]ie sat another three weeks until 
the little one recovered entirely. 

(Fa^ise.) 

Doctor. (Scratching his chin.) Well, now, if I were 
an ostrich or a boa-constrictor I might digest that 
story. 

Stephen. Oh, it's true, every word of it. 

Doctor. Miss Crlenn, will you swear to the truth of 
that hair-lii) story ? 

Glenn. Yes. For I saw her every day and every 
night. 

Doctor. You did? Is it possible? Well, well. 
May I see her again? She's better than a duchess, 
C^iptain, for a duchess wouldn't do it. 

Galvin. Most remarkable. 

Doctor. Duchess, did I say ? She's worthy to sit 
by the Queen of England and teach her the divine 
unselfishness of her sex! 

Glenn. (Ap2)latiding.) And you say you're -an En- 
glishman ? 

J)octor. Yes. 

Glenn. I don't believe it. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 19 

Doctor. Ha ! Ha ! I see you've lost ii leg, Captain. 
Mast I ask your pardou for that % 

Capt. N. 1^0, sir. The Mexicans did that. 

Jjoctor Where ? 

Cajjt. N. At Bueua Vista. 

Doctor. I suppose your governmeut recoguized 
your loss in a material way ? 

Capt N. Oh, yes, sir. They gave me a medal, sir, 
aloug with Capt. Davis and several others. 

Doctor. Aud a peusiou ? 

Capt. N. No, sir, no p.msion. They offered one 
but I would not accept it. 

Doctor. Why, may Task.? 

Capt. N. Wliy should I ? I returned from the war 
with one good leg, two good arms and one good head. 
I said I was able to supi)ort myself and I have done 
it. Besides, I did not light for money. I fought for 
my country. Pension. Bah ! The State takes care 
of ])aupers, criminals aud lunatics, and should not be 
made a vast alms-house for those abundantly able to 
care for themselves. 

Glcyin. (To Calvin.) He can talk on that subject 
all night. 

Doctor. (Gazing at Captain in thoughtful adiniror- 
tion.) Brave old soldier. 

Stephen. Yes, and he will talk witli an imaginary 
listener, if he caji hnd no one else. 

Capt. N. (To himself.) I rr member once when my 
mother was very sick so many yeais ngo it seems as 
if it were in another age. As her life hung by a 
thread, every possible noise about the house was muf- 
Hed and everyone went about on tip-toe, noiselessly. 
Fearing to disturb her, I took "my shoes from off my 
feet for the place whereon I stood was holy ground.'^ 
That was a love akin to that which I feel for my 
country. 

(Pause.) 

Doctor. And you are the City Treasurer ? 

Capt. N. Yes, sir. * 

Doctor. When were you elected ? 

Capt. ]^. Fifty years ago. 

Doctor. Fifty years ! 

Ca2:)t. N'. Yes, sir. And always will be. 

Doctor. How ? 



20 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Ca/pt N. I believe, sir, that when I die, my spirit 
will go to the old treasury and hover about it contin- 
ually. 

Glenn. Oh, now, now. Uncle. {Kissing Mm.) Talk 
of somethinjo^ else. By the way, Mr. Parson, here's 
another kindred spirit for you. [Pittting arm around 
Stephen.) If there's a child in the town that doesn't 
call him "Stephen" it is one that calls him "Tephen." 

/itepJien, That's true. Oh, I'm the regular and 
original "Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup." Ha ! 
Ha! Ha! 

Calvin. Good. I will enlist you in my service. And 
some hot day next summer we'll take a steamer and 
our little homeless ])artners and go on a long ocean 
picnic to Australia. 

Glenn. Australia I roii don't mean it ? 

Calvin. Indeed I do. "Why not ? 

Glenn. Do you pro])ose to buy a steamer ? 

Cahmi. Oh, no. But it won't cost very mach, and 
my friend here will pay for it, eh Mattie ? 

Doctor. {Swelling.) Yes, of course. It's a trifle, a 
mere trifle. 

Stvphen. Then you are wealthy, I suppose ? 

Doctor. Your supposition is correct, Mr. — Stephen. 
I'm what pious and disappointed people call a "bloat- 
ed bond holder." 

{Enter Fhilip.) 

Phil. Hello, Each — any letters for me ? 

Rachel. No. 

Phil Thank the Lord. Whew! My creditors must 
have died suddenly. Ha I Ha ! I haven't heard from 
them in two days. If they don't dun me tomorrow, 
I'll go aud see them. I can't endure such neglect and 
I won't ! I have some credit as long as they have any 
hope of getting their money. Ha ! Ha ! Ha! 

Calvin. {To Martha.) Is he really in debt? 

Martha. Yes, and has been for many years. I have 
offered to lend him the money but he refuses it. 

Stephen AThat ? Exchange his creditors for a wo- 
man creditor! and have them come to him. "Oh, Mr. 
Breen, if you only knew how I have suffered, what 
agony, what fears, what ills, what privations, what 
tears I have shed — " 



THE OLD TREASURER. 21 

PJiil. Stepben, for the Lord's sake, don't teach 
them that lesson. Dou't do it. I'd turn my whole 
estate over to them if they sent women's tears after me. 

Stephen, Ha! Ha! And do you know what he 
calls his whole estate ! One pine trunk, one wedding 
trousseau as he calls it, a mass of romantic manu- 
script, and a lot of bric-a-brac carved witli Ids own 
knife in hours of dreamful meditation. Total value 
$2.85. 

Phil. Correct to the fraction. Stephen, you're a 
mathematical prodigy. But you have taken no in- 
ventory of my gold, silver aud diamonds. 

Calvin. What does he mean ? 

Glenn. Listen. 

Fhil. A wealth of uncoined gold as pure as evt r 
played with a sunbeam nestles in my Susan's tresses ! 

Doctor and Calvin. Oh ! 

Fhil. Diamonds of such lustre as the Kohinoor 
never knew sparkle in her eyes. 

Doctor. Is it i)ossible 1 

Fhil. Possible ? Sir, do you doubt my veracity .? 
Possible ! It's a fact. 

Stephen. Yes, it is. And the, best of it is that his- 
Susan has^been married to another man these sixteen 
years. Ha ! Ha ! 

Calvin. And he still visits her ? 

Stephen. Hasn't seen her since she married ! So 
you see how long his ears are now, don't you ? 

Calvin. And you still love her ? 

Fhil. Love her, man ! 1 love her old last year's 
shoe strings. 

Calvin. Pardon my impudence, you take every- 
thing so good humoredly. 

Fhil. Go on. Parson, go on. Pm about as invul- 
nerable as an alligator. There was ' 4. time when I 
watched with chary eyes at the doors of this good 
temple which [ call my heart. Now, it is a venerable 
ruin under whose shade the weary traveler in the des- 
ert of love may rest and receive what comfort he may. 
Ha I Ha ! You see, it has made a poet of me, too. 

Calvin. I like, you, Mr Philip, in spite of your 
poetry. Upon my soul. Miss Helmar, I never saV so 
many generous and lovely folks. Are all the South- 
ern people like you ? 



22 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Martha. No, not all. {Aside.) Like me, indeed. 

Stephen. Parson, listen. Do you liear that? 

( alvin. Yes, what is it ? 

Stephen. Listen. Don't you know ? 

Doctor. It's a pig under a gate. 

Stephen. No. 

Doctor. Then it's some poor little Absolom on his 
Diajnma's knee resx)onding to the action of the back of 
a hair brush. 

Stephen. No. 

Doctor. Then it's a young woman singing. 

Stephen. Ha! Ha! More musical than that ! It's 
what Uiicle Keuben, our old negro porter, calls a 
"Squinch o s^l." 

^ aivm. An owl ? 

Stephen. Yes. And I'll tell you wliat I'll do. 

Calvin. What ? 

Stephen. I'll ])le(lge you anything you.mayaskof 
me if old Reuben is not at this very moment heating 
a poker. 

Calvin, For what? 

Stephen. To — well I'll call him and let him answer. 
I venture to say — why, here he is now. 

{Enter Reuben.) 

Reuben. Good even', Mars Stephen. 

Stephen. Good evening, Uncle Reuben. What 
will you have ? 

Reuben. I jist wants to stir the fire a leetle, sah. 
Dat's all, sah. 

{They all watch him.) 

Stephen. {As Reuben is about to go ouK) Oh, Uncle 
Reuben. 

Reuben. Yes, Srsli. 

Stephen. You left the poker in the fire. 

Reuben. Yes, sah, if you please sah. I'll take it 
out, sah, soon as dat squiuch owl stop squinching, 
sah. 

Calvin. Are you going to knock the owl in the head 
with it. Uncle Reuben ? 

Reuben. No, sah; taint no needcessity fo' dat, sah, 
Hittle stop when de poker gits hot, sah. 

Calvin. Why. 
^Reuben. I can't tell jou dat, sah. Hear dat? 



THE OLD TREASURER. 23 

Hear dat silence out dar ? I knowd it, sail, I kuowd 
it. {Tal'es out polcer and puts it, in rack.) 

Doctor. Hal Ha! Ha! Aud you think tlie poker 
stopped liim, do you ? 

Reuben. Yes, sail, 1 kno\YS it sali. 

(Exit Reuben.) 

Stephen. Now, you lanoli at the superstition of this 
old negro, what do you think of a full-blooded Cauca- 
sian, a proud American, familiar with the Odyssey, 
the odes of Horace, Pliny; knows the race-course of 
every star and its name — what do you think when he, 
Philip Breen, believes in such things ? 

Doctor, Indeed .? 

Calvm. The doctor here has often laughed at me 
because I have my superstitions, while he by nature 
is skeptical and scarcely believes anything. 

Phil. You laugh at me, Stephen; and yet you have 
the greatest faith in your good luck — a thing" just as 
vague and uncertain. 

Stephen. It is not uncertain at all It is as certain 
as anything can be. I don't understand it, but I can 
see it and everyone else can see it, and there's no de- 
nying it. 

Doctor. What do you mean ? 

Stephen. My luck at anything that depends on 
chance. Toss up a coin. Heads or tails ? 

Doctor. What do you mean by heads or tails ? 

Stephen. This side is heads and this tails. Toss it 
up. {Doctor tosses.) Heads! 

Doctor. Correct. (Tosses.) 

Stephen. Heads. 

Doctor. Correct. (Tosses several times.) Stuff. 
There's some trick in it 

Stephen. Not a particle. Try me on something else. 

Doctor. And do you mean to say that you believe 
that chance or fortune is always on your side ? 

Stephen, Yes. 
. Doctor. Then you are the most unlucky man I ever 
saw. 

Stephen. Why ? (Aside.) What does he mean. 

Phil. Well, I had a very strange dream last night. 
You may laugh, Stephen, but I'll tell it. 

Stephen. Now, as little Trim Morris says: "Oh, 



24 THE OLD TREASURER. 

pease don't, you skeali me moas ter def." Ha ! Ha ! 
Ha! 

Pliil. I seldom dream as I am very busy wlieu I'm 
sleepiijg. 

(Enter Tandy Tripp and sits on low stool near door.) 

Stephen. Yes, sawing gourds. As Uncle Eeubeu 
would say, your silence is very loud, 

Phil. Well, the other night — last Saturday night, 
I remember — I dreamt that I met^/ow, Martha, on the 
street and I never saw you look so strangely before — 
it surprised me that I recognized you at all — and you 
told me the City Treasury had been robbed and the 
Midland Bonds taken therefrom. I seemed then to 
understand, but if there are now, or ever were, or ever 
will be, any such thing as Midland Bonds in the 
treasury I know nothing of it. 

Capt. N. You mean to say you never heard of the 
Midland bonds t 

Fhil. i^ever did, sir. What do I know about 
bonds ? I don't know whether they are made of steel 
or copper or brass or wood. Why, Uncle Alex? 

Capt. N. There are $40,000.00 of them there. 

tSiephen. (Aside ) I have'nt felt easy about that 
vault since 1 found it open. I'll go and examine it. 

Capt. N. Where are you going Stephen ? 

/Stephen. I am going down town for some cigars, 
Uncle, I'll be back — 

Capt. N, Well— Stephen ! 

Stephen. Yes, sir. 

Capi. N. Come here, please. Stop at the treasury 
and examine it, will you ? 

Stephen. Ha! Ha! Ha! All right, Uncle, I will. 
(Going.) Why here is Tandy ! Hello, Tandy. Glad 
to see yon. 

Tandy. Tanky, sir, Tanky, sir. (He tvalks icith 
heafi much on one side., talks with many jerks and facial 
contortions almost as if from St. Vitus' dance.) 

Glenn. How are you, Tandy ? 

Tandy. Haw ! Haw ! I be well, missie, I be well. 
I don't want to sell nuffin tonight. I am like Cap'n 
Kelson. I don't transact any business after office 
hours. Haw ! Haw! I just came in to hear the folks 
talk. Mr. Buck said I wouldn't be in the way. 

Buck. To be sure, to be sure. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 



25 



Calvin. ( To Martha. ) Wlio is lie ? 

Martha. An old paralytic. Has bet^ii about liere 
several nioiiths selling- cbeap jewelry. (Aside.) — I 
don't know why tliey allow sucLi an old scare-crow to 
(iome in the bouse. 

Calvin. (As'de.) Sbe tbou<2;bt T didn't bear ber. 
Tbat is tbe first unbospitable word I bave beard since 
T came. [To Captain Is.) — May 1 converse witb tbis 
Mr. Tripp, Captain ? 

Capt. N. Certainly, sir, {Ex'd and icalks to and fro 
on porch.) 

Calvin. Mr. Trijip ? 

Tandy. Haw! Haw! Haw! 

Calvin. Wby are you laiig'bing- so? 

Tandy. Mr.' Tripp I Haw! Haw! Haw! 

Glenn. (To Calvm.) Call bini '-Tandy." 

Calvin. Tandy ? 

Tandy. Ay, Ay, Sir. 

Calvin. How long bave you been so afflicted? 

Tandy. Since I was tbree weeks old, sir. 

Calvin. Tbree weeks old ? 

Tandy. Yes. sir. 

Calvin. Well, you bave a prettv good time, don'fc 
youf 

Tandy. Yes, sir. You see I baint never knowd 
auytbing else, sir. Haw! Haw! Haw! 

Calvin. Have you bad supper tonigbt ? 

Tandy. Oli, yes, sir. 

Calvin. And you have enougli for breakfast? 

Tandy. ]^o, sir. 

Calvin. V\ bat will you do, tben f 

Tandy. Well, I done bad a good supper, baint I ? 

Doctor. And 1 be prospect for breakfast is too re- 
mote for speculation. And you sleep well, Tandy ? 

Tandy. Ob, yes, sir. I sleei) mighty well. 

Doctor. Wbere do yon sleep ? 

Tandy. Wbere? Haw! Haw! I've got tbe wbole 
State of Louisiany to sleep on. Haw! Haw! 

Doctor. I never knew before wbat a beautiful leg 
1 bave, Calvin. And sucb an arm, too ! Y^ou sleep 
on tbe ground ? 

Tandy. Ob. yes, sir. Old Miss Jackson give me a 
featber bed onct, but it was so soft I could not sleep 
on it. 



JO THE OLD TREASURER. 

Doctor. AAliere <lid von sleep last night, Tandy ? 

TaiuJy. Under the waod.shed at the Cap'ns office, 
Kir. 

Ottrhi. And you are happy, Tandy ? 

Tandij. Ol), yes, sir. I reckon so, sir. 

C((Iviii. Wouldn't you like to be well and strong- ? 

Tandy. 1 reckon so, sir. You see, sir, I done been 
this way so long I wouldn't know what to do if I had 
.L;ood use of myself, sir. 

Dociof. You could preach, couldn't you ? 

Tandij, Oh, yes, sir. 1 could in^each. Haw! Haw ! 

CaJviu. You would make a better doctor than a 
]>reacher, wouldn't you ? 

Taudy. Oh, yes, sir. Any fool can be a doctor. 
Haw ! Haw ! Most folks will take eberting te doctor 
gives 'em anyway. 



Calvin. How loug do you expect to live, Tandy 



Tandy. 1 can't tell you nothin' lK)ut that, sir. 
Doctor. Are you a member of the church ? 

Tandij. No, sir. 

Doctor. Why? 

Tandy. Well, you see, sir, nobody wants me to sit 
by 'em in church, sir. I tried it several times and 
they looked around at me jist so. {Frowns and tool's 
indignant.) Except once, sir. I went into a church 
and the young folks begun to laugh and punch each 
other and hide their faces, jest so. [Imitatiny ihon.) 
Nobody would nnike room for me till at last an ohl 
man got up out of his seat, opened te door, tat little 
door at te end, you know, sir, and bowed to me and 
waved me in just like tat, and let me look on te same 
l)Ook with him. I don't say who it was, but he had a 
wooden leg and a walkin' stick I hears it now. 
Haw ! Haw ! [Enter Capt. K) 

Glenn. {Kissint/ him.) Are you well tonight, Un- 
cl<4.? 

Capt. N. I am well, but just a little nervous, my 
girl. [Sits.) 

Glenn. {Aside.) His eye balls are larger than 
usual. Wliat does it mean ? 

Calvin. Tandy, do you wish to die? 

Tandy. No, sir. 1 don't want to die. 

Calvn. You believe the Great Father loves you, 
<lou't you ? 



THE OLD TREASURER. 27 

Tandy. I don't kuow about tat, sir. I used to liavc 
a looking glass oncet and lowed then tat I was too 
oiiery looking tor anybody to love nincli. Haw ! Haw ! 

Doctor, Do yon believe you would go to Heaven ? 

Tandy. Well, they mought let me slip in and era v. 1 
under the throne and go to sleep. Don't you think 
so ? 

Calvin. I don't doubt it, Tandy, I don't doubt it. 

Tandy. It would be better than the woodshed, too. 
Kobody would tread on me there as they did tonight; 
but it didn't hurt, missie, ir didn't hurt a bit. [Glen)! 
and PMUp motion hini to silence but he doesi.'f nnder- 
.stand.) It didn't. {To Phillip.) — I seen you when you 
got outer le window, sir. Haw ! Haw! {Enter Sic- 

'phen quickly.) 

Gapt. JS^. What's the matter, Ste})lien ? {Very ner- 
vously. ) 

Stephen. I've been running. Uncle. It's raining. 

Capt. ]\\ Kaining ! Tell nje, Stephen. Are those 
I K)nds missing ? 

Stephen. {Sloivly.) Yes, Uncle. 

Capt. K. GreatViod! {S lis had' in his chair and 
dies sitting bolt upright ivith eyes open.) 

Glenn. But they can tind them again, Uncle. 
Don't worry. Uncle, don't — Ha ! {Staggering back on 

floor. ) 

Stephen. What's the matter, Glenn ? 

Doctor. (Taking Captain'' s hand.) He's dead ! 

Tandy. {Commg forward and weeping bitterly.) I 
beg your pawden, missie, 1 beg your pawden. {Kiss- 
ing her shoe.) 

Stephen. {Loolxing mysteriously about.) Who is that 
walking on the gallery ? 

Phil. Walking? I hear no one walking. 

Stephen. You do not hear that walking? 

Phil. No. 

Stephen. You hear it, don't you, Doctor ? 

Doctor. What do you mean, man ? {Siepdicn goes on 
tiptoe to door, looh's out and returyis.)' 

Stephen. There is no one there, and yet I hear 
8ome one walking as with a lame leg and walking- 
stick. 

Phil. Why, Stephen, what's the matter ? 



28 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Steplien. Philip, do tliose eyes appear to look at 
A oil? 

Pkll. AYhat eyes? 

Stefilien. Come here with ine. Do they look at you 
now? 

FML Are you sick, Stephen ? 

ISteplien. I-do-uot-kiiow. 

Martha. {Without) Ha! Ha! Ha! 

FhiUip. [Placing h s hand over her mouth as she en- 
ters.) Hush! (Martha stands horrified.) 

CURTAIN. 



ACT 2d. 

Scene. — Same as Act 1st. 

(Enter Aunt Martha^ Mary Gary and Rachel the last 
hustling about and slamming everything as she goes.) 

Rachel. (To Aunt Martha.) You hoi)e she'll be 
convicted. 1 know yo7i do. I always tliought you 
were one of tliose crocodile Christians ! 

Aunt Martha. You naughty girl! I hope Glenn 
may not be convicted, but it all comes upon her for 
neglecting her church, and I was always afraid she'd 
never come to any good. 

Rachel. Yes, and because — 

Mary. And it ain't thot oid be disagraing wid ye, 
Misthress Marthy, but ye don't appair to be happy, 
Misthress Marthy, uidiss you can foind some one 
thet's goin' to Purgatory, Misthress Marthy, so ye 
can give 'em a kick, Mistiness Marthy. 

Aunt Martha, What? Y"ou dare argue Avith me ? 
(Ai^de.) This comes of having these hateful white 
servants. 

Mary. \Yhy don't ye spake out so a body can hear 
ye? And as for Miss Glenn and Mr. Philip, your 
long confissions never made anything half as good,, 
Misthress Marthy. They wouldn' liesertate to take 
you into their big warrum hearts, Misthress Marthy, 
if ye were the manest of all mankind — which the same 
ye air Misthress Marthy. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 2y 

Aunt Martha. I'm sure iiiaiiy's the tears I've sliod 
over her. I've begged aud implored her to go with 
me to tlie meetings, to tlie Ladies' Aid, to tlje Gospel 
Keadiiigs, but slie \Yonl(l oidy laugh at me. Xow, see 
what's come upou her. 

EacheJ. She does go to church, And she does 
many other things that are better than your long- 
taced prayer meetings. She is helping somebody in 
their troubles while you are folding- your hands and 
looking as i)ious as a tombstone. 

Aunt Martha. Oh, you wicked lost spirit! You 
call it nothing ? AVhat time have I for such things as 
she and that new-fangled, worldly preacher are <loing. 
He won't stay here three months either, I warrant. 
For when my boy Ilichujond returns from the South- 
ern Presbyterian College he'll show him how to re- 
spect the holy calling. 

Rachel. Your son Richmond can show him tlie 
"Iloyal Flush" too. 

Aunt Martha. And then 's your brother Bobby. 
Poor boy ! I don't know what he'd do it I didn't mend 
his morals occasionally. 

Rachel. {Imitating.) Poor boy! I don't know what 
he'd do if I didn't mend his breeches occasionally. 
Look here. Aunt Martha, what Buck's Inn needs is 
less worship and more work. You understand? You 
are always piling up treasures in heaven and at the 
same time you eat the treasures we pile up on eaith. 

Amit Martha. Why, child, I arose yesterday morn- 
ing at 6 o'clock and read seven chapters in lumbers 
before breakfast. 

Rachel. Did you cook breakfast? ^STo. At six! 
I was up at five and fed the chickens and the pigs, 
churned the milk, waited on the table, made some 
catnip tea for Mrs. Gaunt's baby, washed the dishes, 
made three little dresses for Stephen's ^'little part- 
ners," helped to cook dinner, helped Uncle Eeuben to 
hive a swarm of bees, got the gun and shot a hawk — 

Aunt Martha. Oh, the horrid thing ! It frightened 
me dreadfully ! 

Rachel. Drove the i)igs out of the garden, took a 
music lesson, hung up the clothes to dry, turned the 
grindstone for Uncle Reuben, fed a tramp for carrying 



30 THE OLD TREASURER. 

tbeiu old rocks awoy from t\w bac^k door wliicli Im* 
prounsed to do and didn't — 

Aunt Martha. Served you rigid. Wliy do you — 

Rachel. Oli, hut I j^ave him sneli a ]arrii])iii' witli 
tlie buggy whip as will compel him to staud hereafter 
wheu engaged in eating Ins food.' 

Aunt Martha What a spit-tire slie is ! Oh, child 
if your poor dear mother, could only — 

Rachel. My poor dear mother was as different from 
you as I an). She a\ as the best woman that ever 
lived, if she wan a Presbyterian. You are nothing 
but a Presbyterian. 

Aunt Martha. Yes, I am a Presbyterian. And 
that young })reacher you've brought here is no more 
n Presbyterian tlian a circus-ch)wn. [Enter Tandi/ 
Tripp.) Why, he has even got that vagabond, Tandy 
Tri[)p to going to church and sitting uj) in the very 
best pews — 

Mary. ^'And aven the poor," Misthress Marthy, 
'•have the Gosi)el i)reached unto them," Misthress 
Marthy, 

Ai0it Martha. Oh, Mar3% you are one of these 
Catholics. The Eoman Catholics would let the very 
Evil one into heaven. 

Mary, Yes, Oi am. a Catholic 1 Misthress Mar- 
thy, and we would let the divil in if it would make 
a better man of him, Misthress Marthy, aud it moight 
be more comfortabler for ye, Misthress Marthy, it we 
could do it, Misthress Marthy; ye have no more hu- 
manity in your bones than an Egyptian mermaid, 
Misthress Marthy. Y^ou don't love nobody and no- 
body loves you, Misthress Marthy. 

Aunt Martha. You shut your month, Mary Gary. 
What do you know about my love atfairs ? 

Rachel Her Jove aiiairs ! Ha ! Ha! Ha ! 

Au7it Martha. You laugh at me, you insulting crea- 
tures .? I will not contaminate myself longer by your 
society. I can scarcely breathe ! (Exit, holding her 
nose.) 

Rachel. Ha ! Ha ! Mary, we deprive her of her 
oxygen ! Ha ! Ha ! H a ! 

Mary. Contambiate, is it ? Oi'll contaminate her 
wid a froyin' pan if slie makes fun of me church aoin. 
Iwill. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 31 

Bachel Why, there is Tandy. Wueu did you 
come, Tandy ? 

Tamhf. X, benn here some time, Missis. I heard 
the battle goin' on Missis, and I toiight I'd stay out- 
side the line. Haw! Haw! You kuow I ain't no 
lighter, Miss Rachel. But, Miss Racliel, dey has do 
trial today, don't dey ? 

Rachel. Yes, Tandy. 

Tandy, \Yell, what I wanted to kuow is ef dey is 
i^oin' to do affything- to hurt my missus cause I had 
to speak agin' her, can't dey take me in her i)lace ? 

Rachel. I don't kuow, Taudy, but — 

Tandy. Well, you tell 'em for me, missis; tell 'em 
to take me in her place and nail me up to a tree if 
they want to, but don't let 'em hurt missus, dou't — 

Rachel. {Pattinj her arm around him,) Ah, old 
fellow, don't be inieasy. They won't hurt Glenu or 
anyone else. 

Tandy. Be you sure of that, Eachel ? 

Rachel. Very snre. 

Tandy. 1 be pov^erfal glad, Kachel, if dey dou't. 
Rachel, dat is the Urst time anybody put their arm 
arouud old Tandy Tripj) since my old mammy died. 
(Exit.) 

{Enter Reuben.) 

Reuben. Who'd ever thunk it ? W^ell, well. Missie 
Glenn — she's better den all the courts and sheriff's 
aiid judges that ever tried a case. l)e idee ! De 
idee ef Mars Alex's niece goin' to a court whar dey 
spits tobacco jooce and tells nasty tales and whar dey 
<*.yars all de weekedest fokes in de country ! You 
mought as well take one of dem lilies and plant it in 
a hog pen ! If dey cornvicks my little miss, old Reu- 
ben am done live long uuff! I am done lib long 
enuff! {Crying.) 

{Enter Stephen hurriedly,) 

^Stephen. CJncle Reuben, where is Mr. Buck and 
Mr. Philip and Mr. Brockway and Dr. Zimmerman .? 

Reuben, Dey is all gone to de trial, Marse Stephen. 

Stephen. That's so, I forgot. Uncle Reuben, when 
they return, be sure and tell them all not to forget to 
go to the polls and vote. Do you hear ? 

Reuben. {Aside.) Well, Well! And he don't keer 



32 THE OLD TREASURER. 

uuffiu about IMissie what loves him so hard, it just 
liurts my stouuioh to sec it. 

tStephen. Do jou hear uie, Uucle Eeubeu ? 

Reuben. Yes, sah. Mars Stei)hei). {Aside ) And 
lie's goiu' woikiu' for liis election as it it was some fer- 
in poor white trash as was beiu' tried for stealiu'- 

Stephen. What's tlie matter with you, Uucle Reu- 
l)eu, that you stand there mutteriu.^' to yourself? 

Reuhen. Marsa Stebiu, Massa Stebin, it ain't for 
old Iveul)en to say nuthin' but — Massa, Stebin, ain't 
you gwine to de court house to de trial ? 

Steplten. ^o ! I haven't time. I cannot afford to 
be defeated in this election — I never liaA^e been de- 
feated yet, at anything I ever attempted. My pride, 
my ])ride is at stake. 1 must win. Here, take the 
tickets. Give them to Mr. Philip and be sure and 
tell him what I've said. 

Reuhen. Yes, JMars Stephen. Sir — but you know 
Mars. Steben, what ])ride Mars Alex — 

Stephen. Yes, yes, I know, 1 know. But what's 
that to you ? {Drums heard >n ihe distance.) There ! 
Theri^ are my boys now ! Don't you hear them shout- 
ing for m e ! H u rral i ! ( Exit. ) 

Reuben. And he yelled (bit way like an Injun wiien 
it '])<*ars to me dar ought to be crape on de do\ I 
don't know what t!> make of Mars Steben since Mars 
Alex died now gwine on ter eight months. He never 
talk dat ruft to me befo'. Dey's somethiu' wrong 
somewhar, dat's shore. Mars Alex, he always said, 
says he: "Thank you, Reuben," '^Good mornin' 
Reuben," "Good night, Reuben," "Are you well, Reu^ 
ben!" For forty years, too, this comin' spring he 
never missed it. I believe, if when he was djing, and 
didn't have but one breath left in his body, he'd a 
sec], "Thank you, thank you." {Si(/hs.} Dab ! Dah 
(ley come back from de coat house. Miss Rachel! 

Rachel. Is it ? Yes, they are, tlu^y are. I'm going 
to meet them. {Gets her sun bonnet and runs,) 

Mary. {At door.) Bliss her dear heart! She's 
been let off ! She's free ! Praise all the saints! 

Reuben. How does you know, INIiss Mary ? 

Mar I/. Don't yer see how Rachel is a kissin' her 
an' goin' on and how Misther Philip is a laughing? 



THE OLD TREASURER. 33 

Reuben. Lor, dat ain't iiuffiii, Miss Maiy, dat ain't 
niittiu. Mars Philip would laugh if er mule kicked 
him Hud snap his tingers as if nuthin' happened. Oh, 
ves, dais de doctor, laughing too, and de parson too. 
She's all right ! Bless God! Bless God ! Ef I didn't 
hev the rheumatiz so bad I could jest walk on my 
handy, 1 could. But, gentlemen, dat parson. Dat 
parson is more like human folks dan any preacher, I 
eber did see. I be powerful glad, Missie, 1 be power 
ful glad Mars Phili]). 

{Enter Glenn, Lalmn. Doctor, Mr. Buck, Joseph and 
Martha.) 

Glenn. Thank you. Uncle Reuben, 

Fhil. Thank you, thank you. Oh, I knew there 
was no more danger of it Uncle Reuben than there is 
your refusiug a piece of watermillion. Ha ! Ha ! 

Reuben. Don't talk dat way, please Mars Philip, 
don't talk dat way. 

Glenn. Uncle Reuben ? 

Reuben. Yes, marm. 

Glenn. Have you seen Mr. Stephen anywhere ? 

Reuben. Yes'in — no'm, no'm. 1 haint seen him. 
He was bery busy and much retained down town. 
He— he had to help— help— help a man Avith a drunk- 
e 1 hu-baiid — 1 mean a drunken woman— 

Glenn. Uncle Reuben. 

Reuben. Yes, marm. 
-Glenn. Look at me. 

Reuben. [Aside.) Good Lord, I can't stand dem 
eyes. I can't stand dem eyes. 
^ Glenn. Why don't you look at me, Uncle Reuben ? 

Reuben. Yes, nmrni. He said he was berry busy 
and — and couldn't leave and had to hurry oft', and he 
would be in time to go to the coat liouse and den de 
tears come in his eyes, in my eyes — and he lef des 
tickets here for Mars Philip and Mass Buck and de 
parson and de doctor to be sho' and come and vote 
and — 

lioctor. We have no right to vote yet, we have 
only been here eight months. 

[Exit Reuben.) 

Calvin. Yes, seven. 

Bucli. Philip, the polls will close at 4, we can do 
that much for Stephen. Let's go. 



34 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Phil. All riglit. Come od. {Exit BucJc and PJiil.) 

{Enter Benhen.) 

Reuben. Here's ii letter what de boy saicl was fer 
(le young parson. 

{Exit Reuben.) 

Calvin. ''De young pnrson ?'- All right, thank you. 
Hello, here's more matter for a trial. 

Doctor. What is It ? 

Calvin. Tt is from my worthy board of elders. They 
say I must conform more strictly to the discipline of 
the church and tjiat the Eev. somebody Snodgrass 
will be here to investigate my orthodoxy. Ha ! Ha ! 

Rachel. The good for nothing oUl — 

Glenn. Tlusii, Rachel, they thirik they are right. 

Rachel, But, Glenn, I can't believe it. OIj, shame! 
I'll bet Aunt Marthy hnd something to do with this. 

{Aunt Martini is peeping in.) 

Calvin. By the Avay, Doc, they say that this Rev. 
Snodgrass is the one that resembles you so nuich. 

Doctor. Is it ^ By George. I have some curiosity 
to see him. 

Aunt Martha. {Cominr/ forfcard.) But he doesn't 
resemble him in the least. Mr. Snodgrass has an ex- 
alted look — the appearance of a saintly man and he is 
the best man that ever filled a pulpit. He is an an- 
gel of goodness — 

Doctor. Hoes he wear pants? 

Aunt Martha, Xo. Yes, of course he does. Oh, 
you horrid, wicked infidel — wait 'till you see him. 
He'll wind you uj) in less than two minutes. He 
knows the Bible from beginning to end You don't 
know anything about it. I don't believe you know 
anything of mediciue either— no, you don't. You 
couldn't cur^^ an old guinea hen ! 

Doctor. You haven't tried me yet. Ha! Fla! Ha! 

^Aunt Mar'ha. What's he laughing about ? {Aside.) 

I do believe he meant to call me a guinea hen. He 

think's he is awfully smart but I'll turn him down 

yet. {Goes bad:) 

Rachel. {To Doctor.) Doctor, do you want to have 
some fun ? 

Doctor. AYhy, yes, of course. Why ? 

Rachel. This old Snodgrass won't be here until to- 
night. Last month w^e had some private theatricals 



THE OLD TREASURER :>,^, 

mid Bob took part. He wore some old wliiskers and 
a grey wig and everybody said he looked like Mr. 
Suodgrass, or rather old Snodgrass, for he stayed at 
Widow Diinlap's all last year aud never i)aid her a 
cent for his board. 

Doctor. Well, I'll be d — delighted. Go on. 

Racliel. ^ow, you take that old wig and whiskers 
aud I'll get you papa's hat and saddle-bags. 

Doctor. 1 see — that's splendid. But how does he 
talk? 

EacheL (Imitating him ) ''Aiul then you know, my 
dear sister, what the good book says — " 

Doctor. Ha! Ha! Ha! All right. 

Rachel. And then — (Si't'phen says iciihout Hurrah ! 
Hurrah ! for > he invincible Ste2)heii Venahle.^^ Enter 
Stephen., Philip and Bnclx.) 

Stephen. Hurrah ! I'Jl be eU^cted, my dear Martha, 
by the largest majority ever polled in the city. 

Martha, Hurrjih for the new mayor! Hurrah! 
Now lor retrenchment, reform, etc., as usual. 

Stefjhe7i. Ah, Glenn, I'm very sorry I couldn't at- 
tend your — be ai the court house today, but just as 
I started for the fourth time, the boys would have me 
make a speech to the club from the 'Tenth ward" and 
L couldn't — 

Glenn. I am very thankful that you thought of me 
Stephen. 

Stephen, 1 did, I did, I assure you, and my heart 
ached to be with you — Ha! Yonder's some of the 
boys at the fence waiting to see me. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 
I will return shortlv, Glenn. 

Martha, [To Stej^hen.) Stephen. 

Suphen, Yes, Martha. 

Martha. Hurry back '^t once. Y^ou are elected 
now. Why need you trouble any more about "the 
boys," as you call them ? 

Stephen. But they are my friends, Martha. 

Martha. Well, hurry back. [Exit Stephen.) Friends 
indeed I sui)pose he would have such rabble as that 
coming into his ])arlor and eating at his table. 

(Enter Doctor dressed as Rev. Snodgrass.) 

Doctor, Good evening, sir, good evening. May I 
register my name! 

Rachel Certainly, sir. Do you wish a room ? 



36 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Doctor. Yes, Missie. What do you charge for 
iniiiisters of the gospel ? 

Rachel. We doii'c sell 'em. 

[Enter &tephe7i.) 

Doctor. [Snorts.) Now, look here, Kachel^ if you 
expect me to keep my face straight, be careful how 
you talk. [Aloud.) 1 mean what are your terms to 
the clergy ? 

Rachel. Do you mean preachers ? 

Doctor. Yes. 

Rachel. Well, why don't you say so ? Preachers ! 
Well, we don't charge them any more than we charge 
anybody else. 

Doctor. Any more? Don't you give them the 
benefit of half rates '? 

Rachel. Well, we might by the car load. How 
many have von got? 

Doctor. Oh, there's only one. Can 1 see the pro- 
prietor of the inn "? 

Rachel. Yes, sir, you can. 

Doctor. Well, where is he! 

Rachel. It ain't a he. 

Doctor. Where is she, then ! 

Rachel. Let me have your umbrella. Now, look 
right straight from that end to this end. Do you 
see any one? 

Doctor. Yes, I see you. 

Rachel. Well, you see the proprietor ot this here 
Inn. 

Doctor. What? You? Surely not. 

Rachel. [Slamming with her fisi.) Do you think I^d 
lie about it, sir? 

Doctor. No, no, no, no. But you are so very 
young — so very young — 
^Rachel. How do you know I'm so very young } 

Doctor. Well, you looh: so, at least. 

Rachel. How do you know I look so ? Have you 
seen the grey hairs in my head ? Have you seen 
my son Benjamin that run oft' last week with that 
Larkins gal and got married ? 

Doctor. I beg your pardon, Missy — or Mrs. B — B — 
B— B— Buck. 
Rachel. Don't call me, Mrs. Buck. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 37 

Doctor. Will you forgive me if T res])ectfally nm\ 
submissively inquire how I shall address you? 

MacheJ. Yes. Cnll ine Colonel. 

Doctor. {SmUlnc/.) Colonel? 

Eachel. Yes, aud be quick about it; I'm l)usy. 

Doctor. Will you please assign me what room you 
1^1 ease, Colonel ? 

Eachel. Yes. 2040. 

Doctor. 2040 ! 

Eachel. Yes, we begin up and come down. 

Doctor. May 1 go up f 

Eachel, (In old primer style) May you go up? 
You may go up. You may also go down. 

Doctor. [To Stephen.) What a remarkable ]ierson! 
[Aloud.) I beg yi-ur pardon, but does one Mr. Brock- 
way live far from heie! 

Eachel. Not very easily. 

Doctor. You do not seem to catch my meaning. 
Does Mr. Brock way live very far from the Inn. 

Eachel. He can't. 

Doctor. Why ? 

Eachel, Because he lives riaht there on that chair. 

Doctor. Ah! This is Mr. Brockway, is it? 

Calvin. Yes, sir. (Aside-) He does resemble old 
Doc. sure enough. (Aloud.) And you are — ■ 

Doctor. The Eev. Ipecac Snodgrass, sir. 

Calvin. Ah, indeed. Mr. Smxlgrass, I'm — (exfend- 
ing his hand ichch the Eev. S. refuses to taltC.) 

Doctor. I cannot take your hand yet sir, until I 
discover whether or not the charges preferred against 
yon be true. 

Calvin. Yery well, sir. I have no objection to that 
I have been ap[)rised by my board of^ — elders thnt an 
investigation would be held and that you would ap- 
pear to decide the matter temporarily. 

Doctor. Temporarily, sir? I can assure you, sir, 
that whatever my action may be, sir, it will be ap- 
proved by the Synod, sir. 

Calvin. Ah ? May I ask what charges have been 
preferied against "me, sir ? 

Doctor. The charges will be submitted in detail at 
the meeting tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock. 

Calvin. At seven ? 

Doctor. Yes, sir, at seven. I see you are sur- 



3S THE OLD TREASURER. 

prised at such an early hour. That is conclusive that 
you do not ordinarily rise 'till laterr— say 8 or halt'past 
8 in the raouiing ? 

Calvin. You are correct, sir. 

Doctor. And therefore you do not retire 'till mid- 
night or after ? 

Calvin. Yes, sir. 

Doctor. 1 begin to fear the charges are true. 

Calvin, Would you object to stating those charges 
now ? 

Doctor. YeSy sir. The examination, according to 
Sec. 4, Art. 3-}, of the discipline of the church, must 
be held behind locked doors. At least that's the way 
I understand it, and the moderator says I am correct. 
Says he, "Snod grass, jow are right^ you are always 
right !" 

Calvin. These are all my friends here, sir. I 
haven't the slightest fear from them or anyone else ou 
earth for that matter. 

Doctor. The charges are of a very serious nature, 
sir — [Aunt Marthy is peeping in.) — and 

Calvin. Serious f What do you mean by serious ? 
Charges of immorality ? . 

Doctor. Yes, sir. 

Calvin. Say what the charges are. 

Doctor. I cannot do so according to the discipline 
'till tomorrow, sir. 

Calvin^ {Rising and taMng off his coat.) I'll just 
give you three seconds to begin. (Rachel laughs.) 

Doctor. (Aside.) By George ! I'll find a black eye 
religiously put on if I don't take care, {Aloud) Well, 
sir, the first is that you rise late in the morning and 
sit up or are np late at night. 

Calvin. Well, sir, what of that ? Have I commit- 
ted'»burglary or petit larceny ? 

Doctor. O, no, no, no. That is, not that I am 
aware of sir. But I hold, sir that it is conduct unbe- 
coming a minister to go about at njiduight — 

Calvin. About what.^ 

Doctor. About anything, sir. Why, sir, we are 
credibly informed that in Paris, the most ungodly city 
on earth, j)eople seldom go to bed before midnight. 

Ovlvin, Well, sir, what of that "i 



THE OLD TREASURER. 39 

Doctor. What of it, sir? Don't you know it is 
French and tlierefore immoral, sir % 

Calvin. "French and therefore immoral," is it ? 
{Aside) well, I do wonder if he is such a hopeless fool 
as that. [Aloud). Go on. 

Doctor. 1 understand also that you prefer your 
dinners in courses, sir after the manners of those of 
this modern Sodom and Gomorrah ? 

Calvin. I prefer my dinner in courses'? Yes. 

Doctor And that', too, sir is French aud therefore 
immoral. 

Calvin. And these are some of your serious 
charges, are they ? 

Doc or. 1 have not doue yet, sir. 

Calvin. Well, go on. [Aside). He begins to amuse 
me. 

Doctor. You are charged with driving a fast horse 
loo, sir, 

Calvin. Yes, sir. He is of the best blood of all the 
stables of Kentucky. But he has never been trained 
for the race track. I don't know what his speed is. 
He is very sensible, sir; knows my voice and loves 
me, too. 

Doctor. That's it sir. The church holds it immor- 
al and worldly to own a race-horse and very unbe- 
coming CO drive taster than an easy trot. 

Calvin. Well, how may I hope to ever be forgiven? 
But, go on. 

Doctor You are accused of bringing into church a 
number of children whom nobody knows, aud whose 
fathers and mothers nobody knows, thereby bringing 
them in contact with the children of respectable aud 
well-known people. 

Calvin. Can you find a child, sir, that God would 
disown ? 

Doctor. He disowns all those that are not convert- 
ed. 

Calvin. [Strongly.) I differ from you, sir. 

Doctor. And the Church differs from you, sir, 

Calvin. T don't believe it, sir. 

Doctor. And that is not all, sir. You are accused 
of going into whiskey shops and saloons, sir, to bring 
them out, sir. 

Calvin. Yes, sir, it is true. 



40 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Doctor. Aud you Lave been seen lookiug on at a 
(lance! Aba ! Aha! 

Calvin. I made no effort to hide ! Aha! Aha ! 

Doctor. Do you mock me, sir ? That also is very 
unbecoming'. 

^ alvin. And you, sir, are unbecoming to every- 
thing, everywhere. Do you understand that, sir ? 

Doctor. Becalm, sii', be calm. This quick and ir- 
ascible temper is very cliaracteristic of the French, I 
learn. 

Calvin. The poor Fren.",h ! Yes. it is. 

Doctor. There's the <lai!gvr, sir, there's the danger. 
You are charged also with laughing at some woman's 
clothes which you saw on a clothes-lme, sir? 

Calvin. Ha! Ha! Yes, sir, I did. Should I have 
taken off my hat to them ? 

Doctor. Y<ai should have looked awa}^ sir. 

(alvin. Bah! (Aside) who could have known any- 
thing of th-.it but Doc Znnmerman .? By the way, 
Miss Glenn — Oh, Bachel, where is Dr. Zimmer- 
man ? 

Doctor, (Whispering), Hush. Not a word : 

[Calvin recognizes him, is much surprised, motions as 
if to strtke him in fun, when Aunt Martha, comes for- 
ward. ) 

'alvin. Have you done sir"? 

Doctor. Yes, sir. For the present. But I'd ad- 
vise you to go to bed early tonight. Why, who's 
this? 

Aunt Martha. Why, Brother Snodgrass, don't you 
know — 

Doc or. Sister Marthy ! Well, well ! well ! I be 
very glad to see you, sister Marthy. 

Amit Martha. How much younger you do look. 
Brother Snodgrass! The bine grass region seems to 
agree with you. 

Doctor. Well, yes You see, sist^^r Marthy, since 
Maria died and left me I have been mighty lonely — 

Aunt Marthy. Your wife ? Is she dead ? O, now, 
what a pity ! What a pity! 

Doctor. Yes, sister Marthy, she was a mighty good 
woman, er-Maria was a mighty good woman, sister 
Marthy. 



THE OLU TREASURER. 41 

Aunt MartJnj. What was lier disease, poor Brotli^r 
SnodgTass ? 

Doctor. She had — wliat the devil did she have ? 

{Enter Mary Gary icitli Glenn. Gleyin is lavghiny 
merrily.) 

Mary. Why, Miss Gleiiu, they be the oiit-t^oiiiest 
little devils I iver saw. 

Stephen. What's the matter now, Mary ? 

Mary. Thein little twins ye brought here, Masther 
Stephen. 

Stephen. What have they done ? 

Mary. Why I went in last noight to give them a 
bath. I took one of them into the bath room and 
washed him and then imt a gown on him and put him 
to bed. Then I Imd to go to the kitchen a little toime 
and thin I come back tor the other one, when I took 
him by the hand, they both begun to laugh. ''What 
ye laughin at f " says I. But they kept on laughing. 
I took him iti and washed him in could w^ater and 
sure it was enough to make him sarious but he kei)t 
on laughing- What ye laughing at f says I, but he 
ke kept on laughing, and when 1 took him back ter 
the room they both laughe<l an«l lauglied like they 
w^ould break their little ribs. Then — what do >o\i 
think ? They tould me I had washed one of them 
twice and hadn't washed the other one at all, at all. 
{Exit Mary,] (All'a'tgh, D>)'' or laujhs so heanily that 
lie is discovered by Aunt hartha.) 

Aunt Martha. Oh, you horrid thing ! 

Doctor. Ha! Ha! Ha! Why where's brother Snod- 
grass ? Has anybody seen brother Snodgrass? 

Calvin. Eachel, where is brother Snodgrass ! 

Rachel, Philip, where is brother Snodgrass ? 

Phil {LooMny out of door) Where's brother Snod- 
grass ? {Exit Aunt Martha.) 

Itacliel. Herd's the mail. Give it to me. Uncle Reu- 
ben. [Enter Uncle Heuhen.) 

Mai tha. Anything for me, Eachel ? 

liachel. {(ailing them off) Philip Breen, Eev. Cal- 
vin — Rev. Calvin— Dr. Zimmerman, Philip — Rev. Cal- 
vin — Miss Martha Delmar — {gives it to her) from New 
York, too, in a large envelope ! 

Now what does that mean ? Buck, Buck, Simpson, 
Torrey, Miss Glenn— Here's one for you, Glenn. 



43 



THE OLD TREASURER. 



Pshaw! whereas mine? This looks like it. Pshaw! 
Mrs. Martha — and there\-^ another — Miss Mary Gary 
— Kobert Buck, Jr. That's from his girl up at Mill's 
Landing that straightened his cravat for him in church 
the second time she ever met him — such Yankee im- 
pudence ! Miss Lillie Rose White. Miss who? Oh, 
yes, that's our cook. She's as black as the ace of 
spades. And many papers which I will, with my su- 
perior educational accomplishments proceed to assort. 

Glenn. Come, Calvin, let us walk on the veranda— 
(Exit Calvin and Glenn,) 

Martha. Stephen ? 

Stephen. Yes. 

Martha. Come here. Pick up my gloves. I have 
a letter here from l^ew York. 

Stephen. Be careful. Eachel is listenini?. 

Martha. I see. And Philip only pretends to be 
involved in deep study as he walks the to 

and fro. I talk for their benefit and yours, too. 
{Aloud.) Ha! Ha! Ha! The foolish fellow. 1 met 
him at school and on his return to New York where 
his farher is a BaukuT— (whispering) I must receive no 
more letters from that Bank — Kachel observed it sus 
]Uciously — (Aloud as Phillip and Rachel pass) — Ha ! 
Ha ! VVh.v lie actually made love to me tlie first time 
I met him! 

Stephen. I vn-sh they would stop that incessant 
walking. 

Martha Think.of it, Stephen, (whispering). You 
must do all this correspondence yourself. They will 
not suspect you. (Aloud). He said he had loved me 
always. Ha ! Ha ! Had seen me in his dreams ! Ha! 
Ha! Ha! 

Stephen Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 

partita Don't laugh so loud— they will come in 
to share the fun. 

Stephen. I'd rather not laugh at all, God knows. 

Martha. Bah ! There's .7 our tender conscience 
again. (Aloud.) And he's a poet too. Just look at 
this! Ha! Ha! (Whispering.) They send letters of 
credit and have forwarded check book, &c. 

Stephen, How are you to check on this deposit 1 
Martha. (Aloud.) Why, yes I promised him every- 



THE OLD TREASURER. 43 

thing — lie was sucli a calf! Said he must have known 
me in another life ! Ha ! Ha ! IJa ! 

Stephen. Asked you if you believed in the doctrine 
of reminiscence, eh ! Ha! Ha! (Aside.) This laugh- 
in o- tears my very soul at every breath. 

Martha. Why, yes. Ha! Ha! [Whispering.) It 
must not be done. Let it remnin there. 

iStephen. Did you cut out that leaf from the Kegis- 
ter ? 

Martha. Yes, and I h since learned that Chas. 
K, Withers, Jr., whose name we used, is dead. 

Stephen. Ah ! (Deep sigh.) 

Martha. (Aside-) That's a lie. But it is a kind 
one, also. I do it for the sakeof his conscience which 
is as tender as a new born babe. 

Stephen. What did you do with the leaf ! 

Martha. (Aloud.) Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Do you suppose 
I keep all such nonsense ? Ha ! Ha ! 

Stephen. Why, no, you are right. 

Martha. (Whispering.) And Withers lived at 
Trenton, New Jersey. If they should trace the cor- 
respondence to him — (Aloud.) And he says h© will 
send me a diamond ring if I will accept it — Ha! Ha! 
If I will accept it ! He's a real mush- poultice. Ha ! 

Fhil. (At door.) How happy they are ! Ah ! If 
my Susanna were only — ( WalJcs on). 

Martha. (Aside.) At Mesoi:)otamia, for all I care. 

Stephen. And do you really mean to accept his 
ring? 

Martha. What"^ A diamond ring'? Why not? 
This is one of the reminiscences, you know. Besides, 
I will write him afterwards that I care nothing for 
the ring excei)t as a token of his deep love for me and 
regret very much to return it. Then, out of senti- 
ment he will write that — 

Stephen. (Looking around). 1 s. 11 ell something- 
burning somewhere, don't you ? 

Martha. Some old rags in the back yard, I sup- 
pose, 

Stephen. And when, dear Martha, when will yoi-. 
be my wife ? 

Martha. Oh, that day will come, you may be sure. 

Stephen. But when, my girl, oh, when? 

Martha. Oh, there's no hurry. Besides, I do not 



44 THE OLD TREASURER. 

kuow that you will keep your oath — Tou seem to 
grow weaker in your nerves instead of stronger. Just 
look at me. For your dear sake and the possibilities 
yon are capable of I could look at all the eyes of the 
earth, and yes, such as might arise from their graves 
and with the frightened innocence of child-hood say: 
"I don't know, sir." ''I never heard of it — " 

tStephen. What's that noise ? 

Martha. It's that Mary Gary's voice. Quarreling 
Avith Aunt Mai thy, I'll warrant. 

Stephen, IN'o, it isn't. It's tire! 

Mary. {Without.) Hurry up, Uncle Keuben. Bring 
scmie water quick. 

Phil ( Vrithout,) What is it Mary ? 

Mary. {Without) It's fire, Misther Philip, and in 
your loom, too. 

Fh'iJ. Wliat ! all my costly furniture ? {runs up 
stairs.) 

Manha. Now, see how excited you are. 

Stephen. Do you want the house to burn down ? 
{E.vir hurr<e(Uy,) 

(Glenn and Rachel hurry past the door carrying budg- 
ets of ivater — Cal and Doc run past with coats off). 

Calvin. { Without.) Smother it out, Phil. Smoth- 
er it out ! 

Mary, (iy////n?/,f.) Lookout down below there ! (She 
thro'vs out Philip^s hric-a hrac, boot-jacl'y old hats, 
chairs and table.) 

Calv n. {Without.) It's all out, all out. (Enter 
Phil — hurriedly.) (He is coatlessand his shirt sleeves 
are torn. Enter Mary also with two empty water- 
buckets in one hand, a broom in the other. Her face 
is black with smut. Her sleeves are rolled high and 
her arms are black.) 

Phil. Wliere's my trunk? W^heie is my manu- 
script and trousseau ? 

Mary. It's done burnt up, Misther Phillip, bad 
luck to it. 

Phil. Don't say so, Mary, don't say so. 
Mary. Don't say so, is it ? It's nobody I'd tell a 
lie for sooner than*^for you, Mr. Philip, but it's done 
burnt up, Mr. Philip. 

Phil. Well, well, well! (Sinlcing into chair.) The 
accumulated fortunes of years of hard work ! All 



THE OLD TREASURER. 



45 



!2^oue in a measly little five minutes ? {Pause.) Humph! 
{snapping his fingers). Well, if tliat don't beat the 
<levil ! • 

Martha. Pshaw ! He suffers like a hog and with 
no more feeling. 

Phil. Well, I'm not dead yet. And my Susan's 
wedding garments, too. And all my little pets bro- 
ken, scattered. Xow, there's .saint Peter I carved so 
patiently — His nose is gone and St. Paul with one 
ear off' — and James with both arms gone, and there's 
Judns. How are you, Judas ? He was the one I 
loved most because everybody else despised him. Ah! 
He is safe ! N^ot a scratch ! Not a scratch ! {LooTc- 
Ing refiectirely at them all.) Now, my saintly gentle- 
men, any one would think you had been in the devil 
Ota scrimmage up stairs ! Ha! Ha! Why, where's 
good old bland, bald-headed St. Vincent de Paul 
with two little foundling babes, one in each arm. 
I carved him when I had the mumps and couldn't go 
out. Ah! Here's half of him. Split square half and 
half from top to battom. With only one eye, half 
a nose, half a head, one arm and one leg, he still 
holds on to the baby. There's pUickfor you ! hurrah! 
for St. Vincent de Paul. Ha ! Ha ? 

Mary. And it was mesilf, Mr. Phillip as come 
along the hall and smelling smoke I looked into No. 
14 and didn't see it and then I looked into No. 15 and 
didn't see it and then 1 looked into No. 16, and didn't 
see it, and then I looked into No. 17 and didn't see it, 
and then I looked into No. 18 and didn't see it&c. 

Phil. And you found it in No. 1^6. 

Mary: {Not hearing.) And I looked into No. 20 
and didn't see it, but surely 1 thought it must be iu 
No. 21. 

Phil. Where was it burning, Mary, did the trunk 
catch first? 

Mary. No. It wasn't in No. 22; and I kipt on 
lookin' and lookin' and says I, "I'd rather not find 
it in Mr. Phdip's room because the saints watch over 
him — he is so blessed good." 

Phil. Mary ! Mary ! That's enough. 

Mary. And it was himself that helped me mother 
carry the j)ig over the crake down by — 



46 THE OLD TREASURER. 

PhU. {Taking her by the arm.) The cook is calling 
you- 

Mary. All right, all right, Misther Philip. May 
the blissid saiuts give you a new trunk and a whole 
pile of writin' and another suit of weddin^ clothes. 
[Exit Mary.) 

{Philip is busy ^'repairing his fortunes.''^) 

Rachel. Why, here's a letter Avithout any address 
at all. And in one of our envelopes. Now, what 
blazed-faced, wall-eyed idiot could have done that? 
But how am I going to find out ? Why, I'll have to 
open it. of course. Lookout secrets. Hide your heads, 
for Kacliel's after you. {Opens it.) ''Dear Mr. With- 
ers. Why, that's my own letter and I didn't address; 
it. Dog — dog — Oh [ wish I was a man, a regular 
tough, so I could cuss it in good style. Hold on ! 
Hold on ! No; I don't. Why this is the one I didn'c 
Avant to send. And he didn't g.^t it after all. Ah. 
Than!? you, thank you. You are so sweet. {Kissing 
the blanl' envelope.) And here's a letter fiom him, the 
very last in the pile. {Tearing it open with a vim.) 
I'll teach .vou to keep me waiting this way ag^in — 
"My Litthi Darling" — {Long sigh.) {She ihen reads the 
letter in pantomime with many smiles, quiet laughter, 
gestures, etc.) What.? "Will leave for the blessed 
Sunny South tomorrow." Then he'll be here tomor- 
row ! Oh, I'm so happy ! I could just kiss— {Kisses 
her hand, her arm. her apron, the letter, fhe register, the 
deslc the icall) — everybody. {Enter Aunt Martha.) 
Oh, Aunt Marthy, I love you ! (Kisses her.) 

Annt ^fartha. Child, child. Are you crazy '^ Don't 
you know that kissing is a very foolish practice? 

Rachel. Yes, Aunt Marthy, I'm crazy. I'm hope- 
lessly insane ! {Laughs.) 

Aunt Martha. Kacliel, where is the Christian Ob- 
server ? 

Rachel. He's well. 

Aunt Martha. I ask, where is the Christian Ob- 
server. 

Rachel. Oh, I wrapi)ed up some spoiled mackerel 
with it. 

Aunt Martha. Oh, you impious wretch ! Spoiled 
mackerel in a Christian Observer. Bah ! 



THE OLD TREASURER^ 47 

Rachel. Aunt Martby, do you tliiuk it will make 
him sick ? 

Aunt Martha. Make who sick ? 

Rachel. The Observer, fla ! Ha ! 

Aunt Martha. Bah ! 

Rachel. Better to make him sick than the board- 
ers. Oh, my Charlie, my Charlie, fly, fly. fly to me. 
I don't just believe I can stand it. I don't believe — 
(Enter U^icle Reuben peepi7i(i in at fhe door.) 

Reuben. Honey. Honey. Ahem ! He's down at 
de gate and w ants to see yer. 

Rachel. Who? 

Reuben. Dat white Yankee ! 

Rachel. Look out ! (Jumps over (le.'<l' and rushes 
through door. 

Reuben. Hyah ! Hyah ! Hyah ! I ain't felt so good 
since I had my head shampooled — Hyah! Hyah! 
(Exit.) 

(Enter Glenn, meetinr/ Stephen.) 

Glenn. Well, somebody's ha})py, anyway. 

Stephen. Who ! 

Glenn. Kachel. 

Stephen. Why ? 

Glenn. Her sweetheart's come. 

Stephen. Who is he ? 

Glenn His name is Charlie Witheis. 

Stephen. Withers ? Where from ! 

Glenn. Trenton, New Jersey, I think. Why, 
wiiat's the matter f Do you know anything against 
him ? 

Stephen. No, no, no. I thought — I was thinking 
of another matter just then. 

Glen7i. Oh, I'm so glad, so glad. (Exit.) 

(Enter Rachel.) 

Rachel. Yes, I'll register for him. If I can write 
the sweetest name on earth — "Chas. J. Withers, Jr., 
and wife" — Oh, Ha ! Ha ! what am I doing f He 
must drive to the farm and see Bob tonight. Ah, 
there's his buggy — I must have one more." (MaMmj 
noise of many kisses with her mouth.) (Exit.) 

(Enter Martha.) 

Stephen. Martha ! 

Martha. Yes ? 

Stephen. Look at the register. 



48 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Martha. {fmit(,fing him.) Look at the register! 
Are there auy ghv sts there ? 

Stephen. Yes 

Martha. (Tiptceing with long stealthy strides.) Who 
fears f Fm a ghost myself. Ha! Ha! ''Chas. J. 
Withers, Jr." Indeed! And yoa stand there as if 
your bones were made of sausage-meat. 

tStephen. What shouki I do ? 

Martha, Go call him aside, tell him there's a war- 
rant for his arrest in the hauds of the sheriff. That 
he must fly and never come hack. 

iSfephen. But there's no warrant. 

Martha. Go. Go. If you love me Stephen. {Exit 
Stephen.) No sooner did I see that i)Ostmark "Tren- 
ton, N. J." tliaii 1 bi'gan to watch. I learned from 
Rachel that lie was coming. I found a boy to take a 
message to the sheriff, using Mr. Buck's signature — 
{looJdng through door.) Ah! Stephen has told him. 
He seems to exi)os ulate, Stephen begs him — he gets 
in— he drives rapidly — that's the "Early Bird'' he's 
driving, a good horse — {Enter Stephen.) 

Stephen. I am glad tiiere is no warrant for him in 
the hands of that rash and hot-headed sheriff. He 
would shoot him with the slightest resistance. 
{Rachel enters at door and dances and hugs an imaginary 
lover, etc.) 

Martha, {Aside.) That's just what 1 want. {To 
Stephen,) !Now, look how nervous you are. 

Stephen 1 can't help it, Martha. I feel very^ 
strangely over this affair of Wither's. I must go after 
him. {Rushing out.) 

Martha. Stephen ! 

Stephen. Yes. 

3Iartha. Come here, liemember your invariable 
luck. With it you can have everything you wish for. 
{Astde.) How dangerously happy Kachel is! I was 
mistaken in her ! She will suffer beautifully ! Now, 
now you look better, Stephen. Y^ou can smile again. 

Stephen. Yes, yes, so 1 can. 

{Enter messenger hoy with note for Stephen.) 

Boy. Here's a note for you, "Steben." 

Stephen. Ha ! That's Larry^ one of my partners. 
How are you Larry ? 

Boy. Oh, I'm bully. Are you bully ? 



THE OLD TREASURER. 49 

Stephen, fla ! Ha ! Yes, Tin bully, too. 

Calvin. Why, Larry, what tore yoor pants so? 

Larry. Dat old nigger's dog got after me and run 
me ui^er tree — dad gask him ! 

{Exit Larry.) 

Stephen. Hurrah! The count stands 1,114 major- 
ity, Martha, for Yenable ! 1,114 ! Hurrah ! From 
the Ma^'oralty to the Legislature is an easy step — 
then higher to the Governor's chair ! Beyond that to 
Congress ! Beyond that to the Senate Chamber ! 
And still higher to the noblest of all earthly digni- 
ties ! My darling Martha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! What is 
it we cannot win "? With health and strength and 
friends and my lucky star ever kindly beaming over 
me and my Queen's genius to help me — Ha ! Ha ! Ha! 
{A voice from the air.) Aiid the Midland Bonds, too. 

Stephen. {Startled.) Yes, yes. I forgot, 1 — 

Martha. (Aside). Now comes one of his spells 
again. 

Stephen. {Stephen is violently shalceri.) Will that 
walking never cease ? 

Martha. Let me observe the twitching of that 
muscle. Delightful! Delightful! What a glorious 
subject he is ! A quivering mass of shattered nerves. 
I have discovered a freak in human anatomy. 'No 
bones, no blood, no cartilage, nothing but nerves, 
and I can play ui)on them all. 

Stephen. You love me, don't you, Martha 'l 

Martha. Of course I do, Stephen. 

Stephen. Then let everything sound that can make 
a noise. Let forth the sad voice of eternal woe, I 
will be merry. I will laugh in spite of everything on 
the earth, or under it, or over it, or outside ol it — my 
Martha loves me ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Ah ! {Long, x)ain- 
ful sigh. Pause, during ivhich ^he suffers ago7iy.) Doc- 
tor. 

Doctor, {Coming to him.) What is it, Stephen? 

Stephen. (Sloivly.) Can'c you cut out m^^ ears"? 

Doctor. {To Calvin.) I don't like those symptoms. 
He must have a change. 

CURTAIN. 



ACT 3d. 

Scene. — Interior of Ship "SeagulV^ Large door at 
Back center, showing rail without and the Sea. 
Time, night. Table at L. G. Sofa Lounge on L. 
Chairs, etc. Table on R. where four gamblers 
are seated playing cards and drinMng, Stephen 
is discovered watching game as curtain rises. 
Glenn is busy, bustling about. 

Stephen. What on earth are j^ou driving at, Glenn? 

Glenn. I'm preparing for the ball. 

Stephen. What ballf 

Glenn. Mrs. Murkin's ball. 

Stephen. And who is Mrs. Murkins } 

Glenn. Mrs. Murkins is Polly. You see I thought 
it would he something novel to the little tots that 
never knew anything but squalor and rough usages 
to let them play little men and women for once in 
their lives. Some of them have been sea-sick too and 
the trip to Australia is so long — 

Stephen. Delightful idea! Grlenn, you are an an- 
gel. But look.— (Enter Mollie, Davie and Pansy, the 
girls carrying dresses in their hands and Davie, in 
Slocking feet — one sock on, other oft*, and ho'ding 
coat in his hand. As they enter, they cry, saying: 
"Yes, and I'm going to tell Miss (^lenn, too, Yes, I 
am! Miss Glenn, what do you think"? That nasty 
Larry went and tied u]) all our close ! 

Gienn. Hush I Hush ! We can fix all that. You 
musn't come out here. This is Miss Murkins' ball 
room, and she is almost ready. She must'nt find you 
here. Go on, now, and Pll straighten your clothes 
for you. [Eoceunt children.) I'll see how the Murk- 
inses are getting on Ah, here they come. {Enter 
Taddy as Mrs. Murkins 'AndPolly as Miss Indiana Mur- 
kins ) Good evening Mrs. Murkins, Miss Polly, I 



THE OLD TREASURER 51 

must cougratulate you upon tlie propitious circum- 
stances attendant upon your brilliant debut into 
Washington society, 

Mrs. Murli'ms. {Fanning herself with sloto dignity.) 
With pleasure. No, dat aiiit it. 

Glenn. Say I thank you. 

3£iss M. 1 tank you. 

Glenn. Bow slightly and smile sweetly. 

Mrs. M, Bow slightly and smile sweetly. Can't 
you smile ? Not that way. Now, watch me. 

Glenn. Now, Mrs. Murkins, you and Miss Murk- 
ins must stand just here and yon most hold your 
heads high like real Aristocrats. And don't forget 
to say "lotf" and holf-post" for no one can tell what 
8tate you came from unless you do. i 

Mrs. M. When muster say dat ? 

Glenn. Whenever it occurs in your conversation. 

Mrs: M. {To Miss M.) Dat means wlien vouse 
talkin', Polly. 

Glenn. Don't call her Polly. Say. My daughter. 

Miss M. I woiuler why Fidget don't come ? 

Glenn. No, that aint the way _ taught you to say 
it. 

Miss M. Oh, I ferdot. [Walking ahout.) O, dear, 
O, dear, what can detain that girl f 1 am as nervous 
as I tan be. She promised to be here and help me 
receive my guests. Oh, my Dear Mother. What 
shall I do ? I— I. 

Glenn. Do believe — 

Miss M, Do believe — Oh yeth ? Do believe my 
guests are coming, and that odious creature has not 
arrived yet — Ah, there she is? You darling sweet 
girl, {kissing her rapidly) you have come just in time. 
How do I look ? 

Fidget. Just too sweet for anything. 1 declare 
that lace is lovely. And how do I look ? 

Miss M. Gaugeous ! Dazzlin'. Atroshus ! 

Glenn, Oh, No, No, No. That doesn't come in 
there. 

Stephen Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! God bless her little tongue 

Glenn. Here they come. Miss Fidget. No, I was 
mistaken. 

{Stephen is standing hy gambling taUe) 

Stephen. Ha! Ha J I can direct Goozle^s hand 



52 THE OLD TREASURER. 

wliicli is ratber unsteady as you see, gentlemeD, and 
beat tlie whole crowd. 

1st Gambler. You direct nutliin' but yonrself, Pard. 

2nd Gam, Have yer got any dust in yer close ? 

Stephen. Yes, and I won't touch the cards, either. 

1st Gam. All right. Come on. Dar'll be lambs 
wool scattered round so you can lay down on it and 
sleep. [They shuffle and deal.) 

Stephen. [Aside.) He's young in years, but if it were 
possible to lieece him, Tandy Tripp couldn't sleep on 
the wool. 

Goozle. You sthand in wid dem "? 

Sfe>hen. I'll pay lor what yon lose. And if you 
lose anything, I agree to walk home — Ha ! Ha ! That's 
a good hand. No not that. Now. This one. See ? 
Ours. Again. Play. Yes, that's good. 

1st Gam. Kaise de limit ? 

Stephen. Yes. 

1st Gam. How much ? 

Stephen. Five. 

1st Gam. Ten. 

Stephen. Twenty. 

■ 2nd Gam. Forty. 

Stephen. Fifty. 

1st Gam. Call. 

Stephen. Show uj). Ah ! ours. 

Goozle. Ha ! Ha ! You take half (hie) pard, and I 
take balansh. 

Stephen. No, No. I don't want, — [Enter Aunt 
Mariha. 

Annt Martha. Oh, horrors ! Stephen, Stephen, 
what do you mean *? 

Stephen. I am not gambling. Aunt Martha. 

Annt \f. Come away from the horrible wretches. 
I was afraid there would be just such a scene as this 
if I didn't come, 

1st Gam. [Aside.) The governor don't know me. 
Then Pm safe at school. Ha ! Ha ? Ha ! 

Stephen. But Aunt — 

Aimt M. Come Steplien you must not. 

Goozle. Come, Steben, old fel — 

Aunt M. The beasts ! Come my boy. 

Stephen. [Sighing.) Oh, Aunt Martha, you that 



THE OLD TREASURER 53 

condemn the gambler, little can you know wliati)ow- 
ers of hellish magic work upon him. 

Goozle. {Who has (jot hetiveen Stephen and Aunt 
M — ) Shtephen, have a drink? I «hay, have a drink? 
{placing it to Aunt M'^s nose. S^ie hasnH observed him 
folloicing.) 

Aunt M. Bah ! {Exit, pulling out i-'tephen who laughs 
heartily.) 

Goozle. {Realizing his error.) Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! {Re- 
turning.) l)amnish fellow, too. 

Glenn Here they come, here they come. Intro- 
duce them, Fidget. 

Fidget. Aw, Mitter Kildee and Miss Van Sope ! 
Delighted to s'^e you. Judge Squander and Miss 
McTubb. Capt. Snob and Miss Hamgravy. Squire 
Hawks and Miss Puddin' — 

Glenn, Gingerbread! 

Fidget, Ha ! Ha ! Dats so. T ferdot. I knowd it 
was something dood. Sir Gerald Fopp and Miss 
Swipeall. — Hon. Always Dry and Miss Eickety. 
Ladies and gentlemen, ])ermitme to interjooce to you 
our gracious hostess and her charmin' daughter — 
Mrs, jMurkins and Miss Murkins. {All how very low) 
was dat rigiit ? 

Glenn. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Dat was right. {Enter at 
door, < alvin. Br. Z — Philip and Stephen). 

Calvin. Hello! What's all this? 

Stephen. Some of Glenn's work you may rely on it. 
{All the men laugh.). 

Glenn. Judge Squander '? 

Judge S. {Swelling pompously). Mrs. Murkins, allow 
me to congratulate you — look here missie, I don't want 
no more mug twisters like dat. 

Glenn. Go on. 

Judge S. Upon being the mammy or mother of 
much transcendent loveliness as we see before us. 
Whew 1 

Mrs. M. Tank you Judge Squander. De wisdom 
of de bench does honor to our fragile muliebrity. 

Judge S. Gee whiz ! What did she say ? 
GIe7m. Ha! Ha! That's right. Kow, Capt. 
Snob. 

Ca;pt. S. Madam, I am constrained to say that this 



54 THE OLD TREASURER. 

thrilling occasion remiDcls me of my visit to England 
about four years ago, when — 

All. Ahem ! ahem ! Oh, Oh, Oh. (Judge S. ])laces 
Ms hands on his stomach as if in colic.) 

Capt. S. 1 was interjooced ter one of deir old gen- 
erals whose name was Billingtoii, or Wellington and 
everybody called him Juke. He grasped my hand 
very warmly and said he was delighted to meet the 
gallant young American Captain of whose daring valor 
he had heard so niuch. 1 told him I thought I had 
lieard of him t<)(». {S^ruttiug away and t/wirling his mus- 
tache.) 

Mrs. M. Ha ! Ha ! You served him right, Captain. 

Squire R. I don't engenerally invite no city folks 
to my house widout consultiu' er Maudy, for Mandy 
would jest bile ef she knowd I was skippin an galli- 
vauntin round such teuitatious as Miss Gingerbread 
here, but ef ye ever come down my way, Til meet ye 
at de landin' wid my four horse wagin. 

Mrs. M. Squire Hawks, I should be delighted to 
avail myself. 

Hony A. JD. My Dear Madam, I been ten years in 
Congress and have saw America's beauty and chival- 
ry pass before my eyes like a panorama. 1 must say 
I have never saw moreconsounded grace — 

Glenn. Consummate grace. 

Hon. A. U. Con— What? 

Glenn. Consummate. 

Hon. A. B. Consummate grease — Grease, Ha ! 
Ha! 

All. Grease ! Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 

Hon. A. D. (To Judge.) What is you laffm' fer, 
Kid? You never done no better. (Judge continues to 
laugh, when Hon. A. D. Idchs him.) 

Glenn. Kow, now, Mr. Dry. I'm ashamed of you. 

Sqy^ire H. He aint no count, no way, cordin' to my 
tell. Dars de State Bank law. — 

Hon. A. D. My dear sir, you forget I have done 
appointed four men in your county to office — 

Squire. But dad blast it, sir, dem little offices don't 
do do people no good. De State Bank law — 

Hon. A. D. The State Bank Law be squashed — 
Sqtiire. But, sir, de constitution — 



THE OLD TREASURER. 55 

Hon. A. D. De constitiitiou be ramfoozled, sir. 
I'll be elected again, sir, in spite of your opposition, 
sir. What difference does it make, sir, if the whole 
country is ruined, sir ? Aint f done been re-elected 
and aint I done got all the offices for yon I could 'I 
My Godelmighty ! Some folks wouldn't be satisfied 
wid gold wash-tubs. y'H^OU^O 

Fidget. Be talm, Dentermens, be talm. Permit de 
sergin' billows of your le^^islative brains to sleep. De 
rule is de fust one dat gits mad shant have no ice- 
cream. — now ! 

Hoyi. A. D. Whatf 

Fidget. I meant no champain. (Hon. A. D. 
& Squire H. embrace.) 

Miss Ricketi/. Aw, is we doin to have some ice 
treaui ? 

All. Miss Glenn, are we doing to have some sho' 
uuff? 

Glenn. Yes, yes, but you must dance first. 

Fidget. Be pleased ladies and gentlemen to pre- 
pare for the dance. 

[They arrange themselves in couples and dance the min- 
uet.) 

Fidget. Oh, Miss Glenn, let Billy Kildee dance. 

Glenn. Billy "? Why, he has been dancing. 

Fidget. I mean Billy's dance. Please, Missie. 

Glenn. All right. Go ahead Billy, 

Billy. Which one ! 

Fidget. Dat one what CJncle Ben learned you out 
on de plantation. 

Billy. De cotton field dance ! All right, (Music 
starts, Billy begins but stops suddenly.) I beg' your par- 
don. I dance with your sweet permission ? 

Mrs. M. Certaiidy, Mr. Kildee. (Billy dances.) 
(They all pat for him.) 

Glenn. Come, now. Fidget, invite them to the sui3- 
per room. 

Fidget. Gentlemen, be kind enough to escort the 
ladies to the sui)per room. (They go out hurriedly and 
promiscously. yelling and whooping.) (Glenn folloivs ) 

Stephen. God bfess their little hands, heads, fing- 
ers and toes ! 

Doctor. Amen ! 



56 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Aunt M. Yes, I'm not surprised to bear you s;iy 
amen to anything that is worldly and sinful. 

Calvin. Why, Aunt Martha, you surely do not see 
any harm in that? 

Aunt M, And you don't appear to see harm, in 
anything. When 'they are grown, they'll think of 
nothing but dancing and waltzing and tiirting and 
dallying on the very verge of eternal perdition. But 
you don't believe in that, either. 

Calvin. JSTo Aunt Martha, 1 do not. 

Aimt M. Dont you believe the Bible at all? 

Calvin. I prefer not to discuss it, Aunt Martha. 

Aunt M. The Bible says, ^'he that belie veth not 
shall be damned." 

Calvin. The Bible seems to teach what you be- 
lieve. But it cannot mean that. Aunt Martha. If it 
did it would be not only not divine in some of its 
parts but positively inhuman and fiendish as the 
devil himself. 

Aunt 21. Oh, you wicked, profane creature. I'm 
glad you will be excommunicated. I'll not stay to 
listen to such blasphemy. (Exit.) 

Calvin. Now, I'm sorry I said that. For, like many 
others, she will misunderstand me. That's the dan- 
ger, in discarding certain statements in the Bible as 
of human error and not of divine origin, they are apt 
to throw it all away, reckless of the priceless gems 
that sparkle therr, 

Stephen. You intend resigning the ministry, Calvin? 

Calvin. Yes. 

Stephen. You will not meet your trial then ? 

Calvin. Oh ! yes. 

Stephen. Why 

Calvin. To defy every -eye that gazes upon the 
clear record of my deeds, 

Stephen. You are right. 

Calvin. I shall part with tlie old church in sorrow. 
But I can no longer preach such doctrine as they be- 
lieve, and I will not. They think they are right, and 
I think that I am right. Of some things, however, I 
am sure. The husbandry of Heaven spares the tree 
that stands laden with fruit. If half the fruit be 
rotten, it is spared for the other half. If all be rot- 
ten but one single apple, divine mercy spares it for 



THE OLD TREASURER- 57 

that. If a lib e rotten 'wd the tree itself decayed, di- 
vine wisdom sees the barren soil in which it grew, tbe 
storms that blasted it, the frosts that withered it, th<^ 
worms that consumed it, and Divine Pity, yes, and 
divine justice too sjDares even the rotten tree ! 

Philip, How magnificent is the ocean. And what 
creatures of microsco])ic life are men when borne nx)on 
its mighty waves ! 

Doctor. Eight genteel thiug, the ocean is. 

Ste2)hen. Kight genteel ! You have a better one in 
England, I suppose? 

Doctor. Ha ! Ha! Ha! I hope not. 

Phil. But you do love it, don't you Doc ? Say you 
love something for the Lord's sake. 

Doctor. Of course I do. Tliat is, I do note. I didn't 
last night, about midnight. It is tbe grandest thing 
beneath the stars. It is — 

Goozle. Whntshat ? The ocean ? Oh, ish beauti- 
ful ! Isli perfeclj^ buful ! (Hie) I aint got but one 
(hie) objections to it. And (hie) tlie worst of it is 
there don't seem to be any way to (hie) remedy it. 

Doctor. What's that ? 

Goozle. \\hj (hie) don't sbee ? The hull dam shing 
is made er ivater ! (hie) (his "gorge rises" at the 
thought.) 

All. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! 

Phil. (At door.) Ah, here come our little friends. 

Calvin. And they all have on their ^ gowns. They 
must not come in here. 

IStephen. Yes, yes, why not? They are nothing 
but children. 

Phil. They stand timidly waiting for an invitation. 

Stephen. Come in, come right in, ladies. [Enter 
children.) Ah, good evening. Miss Van Sope. Miss 
Bickety, I believe? (hoioing very low.) You were nev- 
er arrayed half so beautifully. Miss Fidget, may I 
claim the next dance with you ? Oh, thank you. 

Doctor. ( Who has been stretched on sofa. ) Ha ! Ha ! 
Ha ! Just look at 'em. Hello Fidget, come here. 
Eoost on my shoulder. (Re places Fidget on his 
shoulder^ and then Fidget., flapping her arms, crotvs like 
a chichen. All laugh. Doctor laughs and hisses her. 
Then he lies' on the floor on his hack.) 



58 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Fidget. Pile ou ! pile ou ! {All the cJiUdren pile on 
hwi, laughing and screaming.) [Then Fidget wants 
tp jump over him). Oh^ Docter. You is dest right to 
dump over. 

Stephen. Come, now, tots. Your little song. Come, 
Fidget, we are going to sing now. Fidget ! 

Fidget. Oli, please, Teven, lemme have one more 
dump. 

Stephen. All right. {She spits on her hands,., talces a 
^'running starf^ and tries to jump over Doctors stomachy 
hut fails.) 

Fidget. Psha v ! You went and swelled dest as 1 
dumped ! 

Doctor. Swelled ! Ha ! Ha ! 

Stephen, Ha ! Ha ! Come, Fidget. All be ready 
now. 

"Where did you come from baby, dear ? 
Out of the everywhere into here. 

(He repeats each verse and they sing it.) 

W^here did you get your eyes so blue ^ 
Out of the sky as I passed through. 

Where did you get that pretty tear ? 
I found it waiting when I got here. 

Where did yon get that pearly ear? 
God spoke and it came out to hear. 

How did they all just come to you ? 
God thought about me and so I grew. 

Stephen. Come, now. Your little prayer. It'S bed 
time. 

{They kneel and clasp their hands.) 

Calvin. (They repeat after him in phrases. Our fa- 
ther, thou did'st make the world and everything in it. 
Thou dost love everything which thou hast made. 

Doctor. {Aside to Stephen.) I swear that's beauti- 
ful. I wish I were father to all the little homeless 
brats in America. 

Calvin. {Continu'-ng.) Thou dost love little or- 
j)hans and wilt care for them. We pray Thee make 
every rough heart gentle, every cohl heart warm and 
every vile heart pure. Save every human being and 
gather them all to thine arms when life is over. Auien. 



THE OLD TREASURER 59 

Fidget. And bess iDoor Teveii and Dack. 

Stephen. Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Poor Teveu and Dack ! 
Dack is her little dog, Jack. About as disreputable 
and friendless a cur as God ever made. Good night, 
now. Goodnight! 

{Re hneels for them to hiss him.) They each one put 
their arms around his and Calvin'^s neck and then JExeunt) 

Doctor. (Aside.) He may be guilt}^^ but I swear it 
is hard to believe or suspect it. 

tStephen. [Aside.) Poor Teven and Dack ! Lone 
miserable dogs we are, too. Jack. We are fit com- 
panions, old fellow. Only you have no guilt on your 
head. {Unier Alartka icith neivspaper in hand.) 

Martha. Stephen, Avhere is Philip.? What do you 
think ? His Susanna is dead. 

Fhil What's that Martha ? 

Martha. Ob, I beg your pardon, Philip. I — I 
Nothing. Kotliing. 

Phil. I heard you, Martha, i felt it. I knew it! 
Let me see th«' jniper. [He reads it to himself , drops 
the paper from his hands, gazes in quiet grief at the floor, 
draws a, deep sigh and lakes his sent. Mar ha ivatches 
his featKres cl >seh;; after a long pause, Fhilip is con- 
scious of her eyes.) 

Fhil. [Very tenderly) Is theie anything I can do 
for you, Martha .? 

Martha. (Aside.) Pshaw! (Turns and goes to Ste- 
phen.) 

Phil. (Aside.) That's a strange girl. 

/doctor. Calvin ? 

Calvin. Yes. 

Doctor . Do you know what I think of Stephen's 
trouble ? 

Calvin. Yes. 

Doctor. You do? What? 

Calviyi. That he took the Midland bonds from the 
Treasury ! 

Doctor. Then, you are of the same opinion. 

Calvin. I must say, I have entertained the suspi- 
cion, as dark and unwelcome a visitor as it may be, 
and yet, it is hard to think a heart so generous, so 
noble — 

Doctor. You know his propensity to gambling I 



6o THE OLD TREASURER. 

Calvin. Yes. And you know how desperately lie 
figbts against it. 

Doctor. Tree. I pity him with all my heart, but 
I'm going to question liim. You watch him closely 
and Martha, too. 

Calvin. My God! man You don't suspect her ! 

Doctor. Yes. 

Martha. (To Stephen.) Be strong now. These 
people suspect us. I have felt their eyes. (Going.) 

Doctor. Don't go yet, if you please. Miss Martha. 

Mctrtha. C«3rtHii)ly. (Aside.) The examination be- 
gins. 

Doctor. Stephen, I have been thinking a great 
deal lately about the Midhmd bonds. 

Stephen. So have T. Xot only recently^ but ever 
since they were taken. 

Doctor. You know I don't believe that Withers did 
it. 

Stephen. Indeed ! Why ? 

Doctor. He left his trunk to be sent to the Inn. 
Beside, we know now that he intended to marry Ea- 
chel. 

Stephen. Yes. 

Doctor. And then his return to the scene of the 
crime — 

Stephen. That very often hapi)ens. In fact it is a 
strange desire <m the part of almost every criminal. 

Doctor. The night of the robbery, did you see no 
one coming from the office ? 

Stephen. Xo. 

Doctor. Who was the next i^erson you met after 
leaving the ofdce"? I mean, after jou hrst closed the 
vault ? 

Stephen. Martha. 

'Calvin. Indeed. 

Martha. Yes. I remember it perfectly. For old 
Mrs. Cody had worried and vexed me egregiously in 
the delay of finishing abayquefor a dress which I was 
to wear that night. She promised 10 send it by five 
o'clock promi>tly and at seven^ I went for it myself. 
You remember, Stephen how I hid myselt behind the 
old well house and scared you as you came along ? Ha! 
Ha! 



THE OLD TREASURER. 6i 

Stephen. ( Re tvhistles in a lore liey in apparently ah- 
straeted manner during the ivhole of Martha's speech,) 
Yes. 

Doctor. {To Martha.) And you saw no one come 
IVoTn the Tre'^sury ? 

Martha. No, I couldn't see tlie Treasury at all. 

Doctor. What did Stephen say when y-ou scared 
him at the well "I 

Martha. Why lie wasn't scared a bit. He said ^'Hel- 
lo, Martha, is that you ? Where have you been V 
And I told him. [Aslfte.) Oalviu says nothing'. I be- 
lieve he loves me. This Doctor suspects me and I'll 
be revenged on him if — 

(Jalvin. Stephen! {Stephen continues ichistUng.) Ste- 
phen. 

Stephen. Yes "? What is it ? 

Calvin. Why do you pay such loose attention to 
this matter ? You sit there whistling and looking- as 
if your thoughts were in the planet Uranus Have 
you no interest in this nsatter? 

Stephem. Why, Calvin, of course I have. I have 
thought about it night and day ever since the night 
of the robbery. I am, myself, inclined strongly in the 
belief that Withers was inuoceut. When we reach 
home, I will emxiloy the detectives again to ferret the 
matter out. 

Calvin. {To Doctor.) I don't see any guilt there, 
Matt. 

Doctor. N'or [ either. Yet, there is somethincj^ou 
his mind that is surely driving him mad. 

Martha. {To Stephen) Why man you acted consum- 
mately. No actor could have done better. {Aside.) 
Suspect me? The sheep's heads. I'll teach them a 
lesson about meddling where they have no business. 
I must win Calvin if it's the last thing lever do. Ha ! 
That was a queer little pain went through me then. It 
was like an electric current, {Pa.use.) Pshaw! {Exit.) 
{Enter at hack Aunt Martha and Glenn. 

Stephen. They now think me innocent. They can 
never prove our guilt. The secret is buried. That is, 
It's corpse is buried. It's soul, like an evil bird, cir- 
cles about my head unceasingly forever. (Sighs.) I 
told them the truth, and yet, it was a scalding, blist- 
ering lie ! Ah, how different I am from the ha|jpy boy 



62 THE OLD TREASURER. 

that stood before tlie old Treasury and — There ! I 
do hope that walking will not return again. Yes, yes» 
There it is again. I cannot stand it. I will not^ J 
will not endure it again. Doctor! Galvin ! Glenn! 
Aunt Martha ! All ! 

Doctor. Another spell. Get me a little water, ^o. 
Nevermind. Take this, Stephen. 

Stephen. {Shaldng convuhively.) No, thank you. 
Doctor, I deceived you. The Midland bonds. I did 
not take them, but I was party to the crime. I, your 
honored Mayor. Withers knew nothing of it, and 
had nothing whatever to do with it. I tried to save 
iu8 life, but I couldn't do it. I knew Glenn was in- 
nocent, but was not brave enough to say so. When I 
get back home, I will work my fingers to the bone for 
her. The money from the sale of the bonds is all 
gone. {Pause.) May I rest now ? {He breathes heavilij 
and grows more and more stupid.) 

Calvin. Can it be true T 

Doctor. Well, well, well! 

Glenn. Poor fellow, how I pity him. Oh, I could 
endure the bitterest poverty all my life rather than the 
knowledge tnat Stephen could be guilty of such a 
crime. {She sinJcs hacl^ into a chair^ Calvin standing hy 
her.) 

Calvin. He has had a most terrific temptation to 
endure, Glenn. 

Glenn. Yes, yes. I know, I know. God jnty him ! 

Stephen. A h 'l What a load it has lifted off. {Faiise. ) 
Oh, Captain ! Have you any live stock on the vessel? 

Captain. Live stock ? Only a few sheep. That's 
all. 

Stephen. Sheep ! It couldn't have been sheep I 
heard last night. I heard — for I was as wule awake 
as ever I was in my life — the sound of a horses' hoofs 
standing and stamping impatiently on a stony road. 
I reasoned with myself. I said I knew there was no 
stony road, or any other kind of road, within 100 
miles of the vessel. I thought that perhaps I had 
been dreaming o^' taking a voyage to Australia, and 
was not on board a ship at all. I got up, went to the 
door, opened it, looked out and there were the great 
waves, rolling beneath me and as far as I could see. 
There ! Upon my soul, I see it ! as plainly as I see 



THE OLD TREASURER 63 

my hand. A wliite horse, saunteriug along over the 
face of the sea. Bah ! How can it be ? And yet, I 
see it. Oh, Pshaw ! Psliaw! I swear I don't under- 
stand my condition. Calvin? 

Calvin. Yes, Stephen. 

Stephen. Look wliere I point. 

Calvin . I<lo. 

iStcphen., Do yon see anything! 

Calvin. Ko. Nothing bat tlie ocean and the sky. 
What do you see ? 

Stephen. The ocean and the sky, (Aside.) It is 
very strange, 

{First Gambler and Goozle heard quarreling without.) 

Goozle ( Without.) Ha ! Liar ! It's mine. 

1st Gam. ( Without.) You are a liar, it's mine. 
Goozle. It's mine, I say. 
1st Gam. Let go, damn you, I'll kill you. 
Goozle. Look out ! {Two shots fired in rapid sueces- 
Mon. Exeunt Stephen and all the men, except Calvin.) 
Glenn. Stay bere With us, Calvin. 

Aunt M. Oh, horrible I How can they expect any- 
thing else than just such termination. How terrible 
it is to die without hope, to be lost, eternally losil: ! 
{Re-enter Stephen and others.) 

Stephen. [To Calvin.) They threw his body in the 
sea. 

Aunt 31. What's the matter Stephen ? 

Stephen. {Pause.) Aunt Martha — {Aside.) How 
can I do it ? 

Aunt M. Did you know him, Stephen ! 

Stephen. Yes, Aunt Martha. 

Aunt Martha. What was his name ? 

Stephen. Aunt Martha — I — have — very — heavy — 
news for you, Aunt Martha. 

Aimt M. For me, Stephen ! Why, what can the 
boy mean ? 

Stephen. Oh, be strong, Aunt Martha ? Strong as 
you never were, before ? 

Aunt M. For mercy's sake, Stephen. What ? what? 
what? 

Stephen. That poor fellow was — 

Aunt M, Who ? who ? 

Stephen. Your own son 1 



64 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Aunt Al. Oh, my God ! Stephen, what can you 
ineauf My son! my son ! My Eichmond. He iv^ 
safe at school, Stephen ! Oh ! Stephen, are you sure ? 
Oh! Oh ! Oh ! my boy, my own })recious boy ! Oh, 
Steidien, are you not mistaken ? Say you are Ste- 
phen, 

Stephen. I wish to God I coukl, Aunt Martha. 

A^int M. Let me lie doAvn here, Stephen. Let me 
lie here. Unbutton my dress, please, Glenn, and bold 
my hand close too, will you Glenn ? I want to ieel 
the blessed human touch. I never knew before how 
sweet it was! (Captain jjasscs through^ Jolloived hy two 
officers.) 

Captain. Who did that shooting, Mr. Tenable ? 
[Stephen points towards II.) Exit Captain and officers.) 

Goozle. {WitJiout) He drawed his iron fust, dideny 
boys f 

Boys. ( WifJiow.) Yes, yes, yes. He did. 

Goozle. [Entering with Captain and soldiers.) And 
shot first too^ dideny boys ? 

Stephen. May I speak to him. Captain? 

Captain. Certainly, Mr. Veuable. 

Goozle. Do yer think I'm goin to stand up and be 
robbed — 

Stephen. Listen to me ! 

Goozle. And stole from and i^eppered wd' bullets 
too and not — 

Stephen. Listen to me ! 

Goozle. Watcher want ? (hie.) 

Stephen. (Quietly.) There is the mother of the 
poor fellow you have just killed. [Goozle staggers ivith 
drunlien surprise, feels nervously ahout his clothes^ slow- 
ly tales off his greasy cap, hows his head., stands thought- 
fully, then goes sloicly down on his Jmees, weeping. [En- 
ter J^ed Boyer, the mate. 

Ned. [In hurried ichisper.) One moment. Cap- 
tain. [Exit Ned' and Captain.) Goozle stands awlc- 
tvardly about, not Imoicing what to do, 

Goozle. [Bechoning Stephen to him.) Your name's 
Shteben, ain't it ? 
Stephen. Yes. 

Goozle. You won some dust fo' me, dideuyer ? 
Stephen. Yes. 



THE OLD TREASURER. 65 

Goozle. Dairitis. Give it to her please. And — 
and Sbtebeu ! Pleasli tell her dat I neber had no 



mother whut woukl own me fer her chdd 



[weeps. 



Will yer Shteben ? 

iStepheii. Yes, I will. [Listening.) What noise is 
that below ? (Captain is heard runninr/ rapidly from 
heloic. He staiigers in pale and almost fainting.) What's 
the matter Captain ? 

(alvin. What's the matter, man? 

Doctor. Speak, Captain, are yon sick ? 

Captain. God help ns ! The vessel — is — sinking'! 
The — the — read, {lianding papev to Doctor.) 

Doctor. [Reading.) "'Capt. L. E. Cole, The Seagull 
is seaworthy. She will be r'^ady for yoa next trip, 
liespectfully, A. L, Seymonr, Commander." Why 1 
see notliiiig in this, it* the ship is seaworthy. 

Captain. Oh! Oh! bat — you — see — he — plainly 
meant — to — say— theSeagiiM is vot seaworthy ! for he 
says she will be ready for the next trip, meaning the 
one after this! 

Doctor Cau't yon re})air if? (They begin totalie off 
their coats.) 

Captain. No. Impossible ! It is leaking slowly 
all around. The timbers are old and rotten. 

^ aiviu. Tiien the life-boats, are they sutticieut? 

Captain. They — have. — been — washed — away ! Oh ! 
God ! pity my poor wife and little ehihlren ! [Falls on 
his knees.) 

Calvin. Theu what are we to do. Captain ? 

Captain AVemnstdie njy iriend. 

Glenn. Oh. Calvin? [^he throws her arms tight 
^ around him.) 

Calrin. "Thy will be done!" [They tremhlingly 
liiuldle together like sheep in a snow storm; ^Stephen ex- 
tends his hand to rhilip ivho takes it ivarmly; Calvin 
and Doctor stand and look info each other\s faces and 
then grasp hands like faithful comrades that are not 
afraid to meet certain death; Stephen offers his hand to 
them. They take it. Glenn comes foricard barely svj)- 
portmg herself and falls on Stephen'' s breast; he pauses 
as she approaches, gives her a lookof bitterest sorrow and 
self-reproach and the7i receives tier in his arms; turns his 
face aivay a^id iceeps; then the gamblers learn the fact 
and look at each other in fearful consternation; one of 



66 THE OLD TREASURER. 

them puts doivn a glass ofheer ivhich he was in the act of 
drinldng. One of them converses rafjidly in dumb shoiv 
with others, xjointing to Calvin; then one nervously talies 
(I glass, pours water in it and becJcons to Calvin, who 
approaches. Then extending the glass to Mm, Calvin re- 
fuses it, not understandmg him; Gambler 'points io his 
head and to the others Calvin then understands and, 
baptizes the three. Ceremony finished, they fall in agony 
on the floor — tivo on their Imees and faces, the third be- 
tiveen them on his bach, his hands covering his face. The 
other tivo, without looking begin to feel icith their hands 
fir their comrades. Each takes a hand of the third. 
1> 4 ring all this solemn pantomime of silent despair, is 
played softly Beethoven^ s Moonlight, Sonata First Move 
merit.) 

Stephen. Calvin ! 

Calvin. Yes, Stephen. 

Stephen. Tiie little children ! Can nothing' be done 
for them? (Calvin shalces his head sorrowfully.) And 
they nuist droNvn too ? I willgo and hiss their little 
feet. Oh! oh! oh ! The only hallowed spot in this 
vile, wicked heart; — niy love for little children ? And 
tiiey must drown, too ! Than)?: God, they are orphans! 
No one will weep much for them except the old blind 
woman to whose old ears their ha^^py voices were such 
sweet music ! 

Captain. Ned, run up and tell the old pilot to come 
down. 

Aunt M. Oh, Calvin, ])erhaps he may wish to be 
baptized. Tell him, please, will you.? 

Ifed. I will. Aunt Martha. {Ejclt Ned, running') 

AuntM. Oh, St3})hen, do you believe there is a 
wretch in all God's creation sunk so low that Heav- 
en's pity cannot reach him ? 

Stenhen. Not one. Aunt Martha, not one ! God 
made us all and He knows how to take care of us in 
the last trying- hour. (Doctor goes out and returns 
tvith Fidget asleep in his arms.) (Re-enter Wed.) 

Ned. He will not come, Captain. 

Captain. But did you tell him we must sink ! 

Ned. Yes, sir. 

Aunt M. And did you ask him to be bapcized 1 

Ned. Yes, Aunt Martha. He said the old wheel 



THE OLD TREASURER. 67 

had furiiislied him a living' for 16 years, and he wotikl 
not desert it now. 

Calvin. Ob, brave old fellow. He has a friend 
there in the darkness with him somewhere. {Fause.) 
Little Fidget! Ob, pity, pity, pity! {Pause,) Matt! 

Doctor. What, Calvin ? 

Calvin^ You believe now, don't you ? 

Doctor. ( Very calmly.) Believe what, Calvin ? 

Calvin. In the wonderful love of God and in the 
life beyond the tomb. 

Doctor. Ob, I don't know, Calvin. I don't know 
anything about that. (Pause.) But I would like to 
be with you old fellow. I would like to be with you 
always. 

Calvin. (Deeply moved ) Yon shall ! You shall be 
with me ! 

Doctor. If it be true, my boy. as you believe, I ask 
nothing better than this little flower as a peace offer- 
ing before the tbrone of God ! 

(Enter Martha, Dehnar arrayed as Cleopatra,) 

Martha. Now for my last great victor3\ Of all the 
men I ever knew, this Calvin is the most nnmovable. 
And strangest of all, I feel a certain burning desire 
to possess him entirely. He draws me to him. I 
would never be satisfied without his presence. Can 
it be that Martha Delmar is in love ? Bah ! I'll not 
believe it. Ah, there he is. Ha ! Ha ! Don't be hor- 
rified, Mr. Parson. To the pure all things are pure. 
It is Art, man. Art ! Observe the delicate curving of 
these limbs, the lithe movements ot the body, the 
poise of the head, the swelling of my heart— an ideal 
Cleopatra, man, do you — 

Calvin. Woman, prepare to meet your God. 

Martha. [LooMng sanctimoniously upicard.) Oh, 
dear. Ha ! Ha ! Sixty years hence ! 

Calvin, I^ow. You have only fifteen minutes to 
live. 

Martlia. Do you mean to kill me 1 

Calvin. No. 

Martha. Does anyone else ? 

Calvin. No. 

Martha.'^ Then how, Avhy ! 

Calvin, " The vessel is sinking. 

Martha. Now you are trying to frighten me. fla ! 



68 THE OLD TREASURER. 

Ha! Ha! You iniscliievous fellow! Yet, why do 
they all look so serious? They are pale, too. 'Why 
do they kneel yonder'^ Captain, what are they 
kneeling yonder for ? 

Ca'fjt. They are praying, woman. 

Martha. Woman ! I never saw^ such a floating 
prayer-meeting before — 

Capt. Look -it me, Miss Delmar. This vessel is 
sinking rapidly. 

Martha. S — Sinking? And the life boats are suf- 
ficient i 

Capt. They have been washed away. 

Martha, Washed away ! Then what will you do ? 

Capt. Die. 

Martha. Oli, Captain, you do not mean it? 

Capt. I swear, before God, it is true. 

Martha. Die? Die, did he say *? Glenn, lend me 
your cloak. Let me have your shawl, please. I must 
hide my naked body, Glenn, I have wronged you. 
It was I that took the bonds. Yes I. It was I that 
drove Masterson and Lundy and a host of others to 
their graves. It was I that ruined Stephen. O, I 
cannot ask for pardon. I am too guilty, too guilty 
Is it really sinking rapidly ? Oh, Calvin, I meant to 
rain you, too, l)ut I loved you ! I loved you ! And I 
must drown ? {iShe grows wore and more frantic.) And 
I must OAq ? Die f Die ? Hereafter when there is any 
hidden guilt on earth, say Martha Delmar did it! I! 
Oh, could I but send a message to the shore ! 

FMl. You can do it, Martha, 

Martha. How ? How "? 

Fhil. In a bottle. Get a bottle quick, Xed. 

]^ed. Here's one. 

Phil. Now Martha, write. 

Martha. Oh, I cannot w^rite. You do it, Philip. 
And write as you never wrote before ! Write for your 
very life, good Philii>. 

FhlL My life ! About the most worthless thing in 
my possession now, my Martha. 

Martha. Then for the sake of your immortal soul; 
for the sake of your lost love, Susanna — 

Phil. Ah ! I will write ! Thank God, I shall soon 
be with her again. ( Writing rapidli/.) 



THE OLD TREASURER 69 

Martha. Almiolity God, keep together the fast- 
breaking })ieces of my mind until i can perform this 
hist act. 

Fh'L (lieading.) "At sea, on board ship Sea Gull, 
July 10th, 1850. Know all men by these i3resents 
that I, Martha Delmar, do hereby"— 

Martha. (i>icf«i 9^/7)— solemnly swear in the pres- 
ence of death and Almighty God that it was I that, 
took the Midhmd Bonds, I that mined Stephen Veu- 
able; I that set the sheriff after poor little KacheFs 
sweetheart and murdered him; I that set fire to Phil- 
ip's trunk — 

FMl. {Loolis up in surprise. Still tvritmg and re- 
peating the tcords as lie writes.) '^For whicli he for- 
gives me with all his heart." All right, go ahead. 

Martlia. I that did everything mean and wicked 
and cannot find it in my heart to ask forgiveness. 
That's all.. 

i alvin. {Approaching her.) Martha? 

Martlia. Don't touch me\ ^ot me\ ''Unclean! 
Unclean!" Let me sign, good Philip, quickly. [She 
icrifes her name desperately and sinliS back in chair.) 

Aunt Martha. Write something for me Philip, just 
a little, to poor little Each el. Tell her if she ever 
sees any poor wistful creature passing, to stop him 
and feed him and say I beg his pardon. And may 
God love her and wrap her close in his arms forever 
more. 

{Philip folds papers rapidly and places them in bottle 
and seals it.) 

Phil. Messages from eternity ! {Swinging the hot - 
tie out into the ivaves.) 

Martha. Look ! Do you see that ? It is coming 
over the water. Oh, Ste})hen, do you think it will 
climb over the rail ? 

Stephen. What, Martha ? 

Martha. See there! It is climbing over and it is 
the very one I fed with Eachel's mocking bird ! Kill 
it! Kill it ! Why don't you kill it ? Keep it off, off. 
Don't le it wind about me! Help! Help! Why do 
you stand there gazing at me ! It has fastened my legs! 
It is wrapping my anus ! Quick! Quick! Help! Help! 
(Screams ajud ai)pears to see serpent with head erect 
looking her in the face. After horrible pause, she slow- 



,7o THE OLD TREASURER. 

ly moves an arm, then appears to take the seri)ent b^ 
the neck and slowly unwraps it from her form. She 
then imagines it on the floor, coiled and ready to strike. 
She screams, turns, throws her hands over her ears, 
runs wildly and blindly about, then screams and 
jumps over the rail into the sea.) 

Calvin. (Calmly.) Alas, poor wretch! May her 
miserable tortured spirit soon find its j)eace withiu 
the bosom of the Eternal Pity. 

{A great noise oftvater is heard belon\) 

Capt. We're lost ! The water is on the lower deck! 
We're lost] Oh, merciful God! [They fall on their 
knees and faces.) 

Stephen. Listen ! Oh, listen ! Don't you hear 
that music ? Don't you hear it! Ah, sing od, old 
Treasurer ! We are coming to you ! 

{The vessel sijilcs and the sea rolls over it.) 

CURTAIN. 



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